When I entered this amazing program, I was advised quickly that it is not a religious program but is a deeply spiritual program. I was not even sure what Spirituality was. My first thoughts were “Sure, like there is a difference.” I, like some other newcomers to the program, had had unpleasant experiences with religion and did not really know what I truly believed. I don’t think that I was atheist but, if a label is needed, probably an agnostic. I thought that God’s last name was Damnit. Also, that Jesus Christ was an expletive used when suffering a quick pain like hitting a finger with a hammer when missing the nail.
I had heard for years that God was going to get me for one act or another. Also that he was a judgmental, punishing white male with shoulder-length hair and a beard sitting on a golden throne somewhere “Up There,” pointing his finger at sinners like me. Just how could this person possibly help me? I was quickly introduced to the teachings of Emmet Fox, an early leader in the New Thought movement of spirituality and for the founders of the AA Program. His book, The Sermon on the Mount, was probably the first Big Book in AA. I was able to look at the AA Program differently then and saw that Step 2 only advises us that we were only to believe that there was a Power greater than ourselves and that it could and would help if sought.
Then Step 3 advised us to turn our will and life over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM, without giving this God a name. I chose my AA group as my Higher Power because it was made up of people just like me who were changing their lives for the better by merely following these simple steps. I was also advised “Fake it ‘till you make it” and so I tried it.
Guess what, I started feeling much better and seeing actual changes in my life. I discovered that I could go for hours at a time without thinking of a drink for maybe the first time since I started drinking. I began to feel that there was hope for me, whereas I had no thought or idea of hope for me when I came into this amazing program. I was advised by the half dozen or so people who took me aside when I entered, sat me down, and made me listen. They said that they were going to be my sponsors, like it or not. They had been formerly some of the baddest dudes in one of the baddest cities in the US, Detroit, and they were showing me something that I really didn’t understand, love. AND I LISTENED and heeded.
Once I got to the 3rd Step, I told them that I was still in the white knuckle stage and was not able to even remember The Serenity Prayer, let alone the 3rd Step prayer. They told me “Not a problem. Whenever you get into one of these situations, just say ‘God help me’ and move on.” So, I tried it and guess what again? Almost instant relief. You see, I was in a similar situation to a person floating adrift in the middle of the ocean with no help in sight and thinking that there was no way out or even hope of it for me.
AA came into my life and a Higher Power came with it in the form of these big, ugly, beautiful men who, not only understood where I was coming from but wanted to do nothing but help me. I grabbed for this help just as I would a life preserver tossed to me in the middle of the ocean. Because of where I was, I desperately grabbed the tossed rescue aid and have not let go ever since.
To this day, decades later, I use the shortened version of the 3rd Step that they told me of, God Help Me, and now I am able to say even more God Thank Yous because the Higher Power that I now choose to call God has never let me down. Do I always get what I want? No, I don’t! But, do I always get what I need? Yes, absolutely I do! And a beautiful bonus is that my wants are now so much closer to my needs so it is always a win-win situation. God blesses you just as much as He does me so just take it and enjoy a life of being Happy, Joyous, and Free!