When either beginning to work the program or reviewing our program, life can seem to be more of a struggle. I find it best to start with Step 1 and go on through the steps in order. Step 1 says “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.” Common sense tells us that, unless we admit and accept the 1st Step, there is no reason to even try to go on. This program does not seem to work for someone until totally sick and tired of their way of living or existing and are ready to stop drinking more than they want to drink.
Before even putting alcohol into the equation, I understood that my life had become completely unmanageable. I was a very large, very angry, very violent, well armed man who didn’t like me. Since I didn’t like me, I hated you. If I hated you, I hurt you. When I hurt you I felt guilty. If I felt guilty I got remorse. And what does an alcoholic do when he feels remorse? He drinks and goes right back into that squirrel cage. Round and round and round! I saw no way out and truly didn’t know that it was the alcohol that was triggering it. In fact, I didn’t know that I was an alcoholic until I came into AA. So, I already knew that Step 1 applied to me. My life was unmanageable!
It was in AA that I met some that I had drunk with, fought with, stole from, and generally did insane things with and thought that this was the norm. When I saw them in AA, they were no longer angry, bitter people. They were now Happy, Joyous, and Free. They laughed before, after, and during AA meetings and I couldn’t understand this. “If you had my problems you would drink too. Nothing’s funny about them!” I was getting my first glimpse of how Step 1 applied to me, now.
At my first meeting, at what became my Home Group, a line of about 6 men started walking toward me, kind of spread out. Thinking that they were going to jump me again, I put my back to the wall and said “OK, let’s get it on.” I was amazed because the next thing they did was laugh and say “Sit down, shut up, and listen for a change!” For some reason, I sat down, shut up, and listened. Those half dozen men said that they were going to be my sponsors and proceeded to not only tell me but show me how they changed from the group of a-holes that we all had been together. They were now comfortable in their own skin.
They would not let me get away with anything. I would start to say something and would be told to shut up. I would start to get up and they would push me back into my seat. There was no option but to observe, listen, and learn. What they showed me was an entirely new way of life. I needed their rough handling of me at first because I understood nothing else. They had been just as big, angry, violent as I and were now taking me and showing me true love. I absorbed it like a thirsty sponge and began trying to work my program in my entire life, not just while at meetings.
It didn’t take long until I started to not only hear what they were saying but actually felt the changes coming over me. My life had been totally unmanageable. I was advised to look into how alcohol had a significant role in all of my actions. I now listened with different ears to what they had to say and was excited to learn that there was a way out of the deep hole where my life had been. Now, I was ready to do anything, anything at all, to do what they were saying. Just so that I could feel the same way. Whodathunk that a group of former street thugs and outlaw bikers from the Brightmoor section of Detroit could have caused the turnaround that I was going through?
All that I had to change was EVERYTHING! So I did! The 2nd paragraph of How It Works says that if I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any lengths to get it just COD, come on down. Join the party. So I did. Today you will not find anyone any Happier, more Joyous, or Freer than I truly am. I owe it all to finally, not only admitting the 1st Step but ACCEPTING it. There is a difference.
Now that we know what we need to do to get started in the program, what do we do next? Later we will discuss the 2nd Step and continue on to learn how to become Happy, Joyous, and Free. Just remember that it says “If we are willing to go to any lengths.” Then just go on with the program. JUST DO IT! God bless you!
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