Recently, I experienced a particularly wild weekend for me. It brought Step 1 “up close and personal” like it usually does. Step 1 of the amazing AA Program states: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. It was really not that different a weekend from others but, for some reason, stood out to me. I always drank alcoholically right from the very first Pfeifer’s GIQ (Giant Imperial Quart) beer that I ever drank. Early on in the AA Program, it didn’t take long for me to understand that I am addicted to darn near everything. To this day, don’t put a plate of cookies in front of me and expect any to be left. I can’t buy a carton of ice cream expecting it to last very long at all. (just ask my children)
As many of you know, my background has put me into many places for years where I saw up close and personal just where continued drinking and/or drugging for me could and would easily lead. I have been blessed with almost 45 years of, not only just not drinking but also, real sobriety. There is a real difference! This has led me to now have a family situation that I never was even able to dream about as a child. I now have actual friends with whom we mutually share our love on a continual basis.
There are many factors in my gratitude for what the Program of AA has blessed me with. Although at the time I did not always see it, they were and are true blessings. One is that I have been in situations for 70+ years where I have seen the wretched results of where addiction to any mind altering substances can and will lead to many times. When I was a Detroit copper I would laugh at the so called antics of the withdrawing, withering alcoholics/addicts. Was this funny to me? Heck no! It was the only defense mechanism that I knew at the time to keep from going off into the deep end so many times. As I drank myself deeper and deeper into my alcoholism, I saw myself more and more in those poor hapless hopeless drunks/junkies that I was dealing with.
Anger, violence, withdrawal were no longer just words in a social studies class. They were feelings and attitudes that I possessed deeply and seemed to even cling to for support. Working in the St Andrews Soup Kitchen on Flint’s notorious East Side has turned almost into a passion for me. I look at the people who come to us for a little comfort and safety and see myself if I had continued drinking and was able to live this long.
We are all Spiritual Beings living in a Spiritual Universe that is governed by Spiritual Law and one with all that exists. I am a Spiritual Brother with everyone, with absolutely no exceptions. In the poor, homeless, addicted, alcoholic, thieving, conniving, vicious, murdering souls that come to us for a few minutes of peace and comfort, I do not see them and me. I truly see US! Do I like them all? Not a chance! Do I love them all? Absolutely! They are my brothers and sisters and not all are able to realize this any more. But, I do!
They were given the same free will that God gave all of us. Reverend Stephanie Sorensen says The gift of free will means that we are all free to be miserable human beings if we so choose. But, The Christ is in everyone with no exceptions and, for that, I see and love The Christ in them.
Recently, one of these poor souls came into the kitchen and, when she called out to me, I did not recognize her at first. I knew the voice but the wretched human being that I saw in front of me did not seem to match the voice. She was a retired nurse from a major hospital in the area who had also been a nurse in the US Marine Corps.
Her addiction to drugs and alcohol is now coming out loud and clear. She was vacillating between almost coherent sentences and complete gibberish. Her face was ragged and ravaged and she was toothless. “Somebody even stole my teeth!”, she lamented. For some reason her plight struck me much deeper than usual. There was nothing that I could do for her other than offer a meal, a hug, and some maybe comforting words. Her landlord is also her loan shark, who she has had to pay back in any way that she can. He has a street name that does not mean Jolly Santa Claus. She was complaining that her meth now even has fentanyl in it, which it has had for a long time now. It has been killing East Siders for seemingly forever.
Welcome to the East Side of Flint, the most ravaged portion of one of the two or three most impoverished cities and also one of the most violent cities in the United States. The next day, Sunday, when Father Jay showed up for Sunday Mass, she was waiting in the parking lot. She was all strung out with a filthy old baby stroller containing a filthy 2 year old boy and some other vile. She didn’t know who the child was or who his parents were. She said that she found him wandering in the street early in the morning. She had enough sense left to bring the child to what she knew was a Safe haven in Flint, St Andrews.
She was taken to the hospital by ambulance and the little boy was taken to Flint Child Services to end up who knows where in the system. If you are an alcoholic or addict, what will just one more drink or drug do to you? Get rid of the thought that “only” one more will not matter. One more for an alcoholic and/or addict is the engine that pulls the life train into complete, total destruction. As this story points out, no one is exempt. This disease will kill you and not beautifully.
If you did not drink or drug today, you now have choices. Maybe for the first time in your remembered life, you can actually choose your next action. So now, I pray that you choose wisely! God Bless You All!