I have attended AA meetings seating from 75-100 people to much smaller numbers. At the meetings, many would concentrate on the steps. They would have signs on the tables signifying the number of the step to be discussed there. Most of the time the 4th Step table, or Inventory Step, would be empty. Newcomers to the program would fear sitting at the table because they were afraid of digging too deep into themselves because of what they feared would come out. They were afraid and/or ashamed of their pasts and did not want to go too deep into this. The finishing touch would many times be added by so-called “Old Timers” who would talk of their own fears. They would push them off onto the newcomers and anyone else who would listen.
I am sure that you all can recall seeing and hearing these so-called “Icons of AA” talking this way. They would spread their fears onto anyone who would listen. These old timers took and still do take out their frustrations of not working their own program properly on the newcomer who was full of fears already. Now they have had their fears “justified” by these AA Heroes. It is really sad how many go out for another road trip because of just this. This does not need to happen.
Just because someone has x number of days, years, decades around the program and can quote the Big Book does not mean that they work a proper program. Don’t ever forget that this is a very simple program for very complicated folks. By all means, do not overthink this program. JUST DO IT! Is more than a phrase. It is a great way of life. It took me a couple of years to do a proper 4th Step. When I was finally totally ready to do it, I asked my Higher Power for help by saying “God Help Me,” and sitting down and just doing it.
Step 4 states “Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves.” This very simple program said only to take the inventory of myself and don’t leave anything out, especially the good that is really there. I remembered when I was a teen working in a grocery store and doing the yearly inventory. We did not count only the dented cans, torn boxes and older produce. We counted the good stuff too. A Google search for the definition of inventory reports “A complete list of items such as property, goods in stock, or the contents of a building.”
The step does not ask for explicit details but does ask for a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves. It does not ask for a list of who I did what to or who did what to me. It asks only what parts of my character made up my life. It asks, in so many words, what my character defects are.
When I think of all of the things that I had done, they can be summarized easily into several categories – I was a lying, cheating, judgmental, aggressive, sexually perverted person who cared about no one but myself. In the Big Book where it discusses our character defects it places the word ‘Fear’ in parentheses immediately after each and every defect. We have discussed fear recently and will do so again soon.
Fear can be erased by working our program. The opposite of fear is faith. This is why I suggest doing a thorough 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Step before even starting the 4th, or any other steps, for that matter. Remember to use the shortened version of the 3rd Step before ANY of life’s crossroads that you may face. Just say “God Help Me!” and then do it. This is how Spirituality helps us make our way through, not only the AA Program, but also life in general with all of its twists and turns. The trick is that we just let it. It all works every time. Now that we have a start let’s JUST DO IT!