Step 4 states “Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves.” I have attended closed AA meetings seating from 75-100 people to much smaller numbers. Many of the meetings would concentrate on the steps. They had signs on the tables signifying the number of the step to be discussed there. Most of the time the 4th Step table would be empty. Newcomers to the program would be hesitant to sit at the table. They were afraid of digging too deeply into their pasts. Mostly because of what they feared would come out. They were afraid and/or ashamed of their pasts. They just wished to forget it.
There was fear of what others would think of them “if they only knew.” The finishing touch would many times be added by so-called “Old Timers.” They would talk of their fears and push them off onto the newcomers. And to anyone else who would listen. I am sure that you all recall seeing and hearing this. These so-called “Icons of AA” talking this way. Spreading their fears onto anyone who would listen. Calling it advice. These “Icons” took and still do take out their frustrations on the newcomer who was full of fears already. Now they have had their fears “justified” by these AA “Heros.” It is amazing how many go out for another road trip because of just this.
This does not need to happen! Just because someone has x number of days, years, decades in the program does not mean that they work a proper program. Don’t ever forget that this is a very simple program for very complicated folks. By all means do not overthink this program. JUST DO IT! It is more than just a phrase! It is a great way of life. I took a couple of years to do a proper 4th Step. When I was totally ready to do it, I asked my Higher Power for help by saying “God Help Me.” Then sitting down and just doing it. This very simple program said only to take the inventory of myself.
I remembered when I was a teen working in a grocery store. We did a yearly inventory. We did not count only the dented cans, torn boxes and older produce. The good stuff was counted, too. A Google search for the definition of inventory reports “A complete list of items such as property, goods in stock, or the contents of a building.” The step does not ask for explicit details. It does ask for a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves. It does not ask for a list of who I did what to. Just what parts of my character made up my life. It asks, in so many words, what my character defects are.
When I think of all of the things that I had done, they can be summarized easily into several categories. I was a liar. Cheat. Was judgmental. Aggressive. I cared about no one but myself. In the Big Book, where it discusses our character defects, it places the word Fear in parentheses. It is immediately after each and every defect. We have discussed fear recently. We will do so again, soon. Fear can be erased. How” By working our program. The opposite of fear is faith. This is why I suggest doing a thorough 3rd Step before entering into the 4th. Or any others, for that matter.
This is how Spirituality helps us make our way through, the AA Program. Also, life in general with all of its twists and turns. I will do it just fine if I also use CBA. Conceive. Believe. Achieve. This also has been discussed before. It will be again soon. It all works every time. Now that we have a start let’s JUST DO IT! God bless you!
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