Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
We are beginning to really feel much better now. So, we’re only as sick as our secrets and the secrets are being told “Bye, bye!” We have addictive personas so now, just like after taking that first drink, let’s go for more, much more in our recovery. How do we do this? We do the best that we can by becoming willing to make direct amends to the people we have harmed. We start slowly by first only becoming willing to make these amends. How do we show our willingness to ourselves? We start by making a list of all persons we had harmed.
Then, we take action and actually make these amends, if possible. Now “If possible” does not mean that someone is dismissed just because they no longer live nearby or we have lost contact with them. The ones that we are not able to make amends to would be to the ones who have made their transition. However, we could make even these by writing a letter to them and reading it aloud to ourselves so as to think about them and the harm we caused them.
Note that nowhere in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous does it say that we approach the other by saying “I’m sorry!” Why? Because, how many times have we, when in the madness, said “I’m sorry?” Followed by maybe even adding “And I will never do it again!” Haven’t you worn that one out by now? Why would or even should they believe you now? Instead, begin by telling them that you know that you have harmed them in the past. Then advise them that you are not the same person as the one that wronged them. Hence, you are changing. Further, that you wish to know what they would suggest that you do to make it right.
Then LISTEN and, if possible, do what or near what they had suggested. In other words, SHOW, not tell, them that you are NOT the same person and are willing to try almost anything to amend the wrong. Most will accept this effort. Some will not. Some may become angry again. Whatever the reaction they come up with, you have cleaned up your side of the street. It is not one of your secret demons any longer. Your load is lightened considerably.
You are further along your way to being Happy, Joyous, and Free! God bless you!
Don’t forget to tune in to our podcast. We have many episodes on the page now and Friday we will have a guest appearance from Father Jay Gantz, from the St. Andrews Church in Flint. Father Jay has worked wonders throughout the US with his inner city soup kitchens and work with people in recovery. We can be found at https://anchor.fm/james-b-boylan
Our AA Zoom meeting is every Monday through Friday, 3:00 PM EST. Meeting ID is 6035280704. Password 399778. It is simple to locate the blogs and Facebook pages. Simply search #spiritualityandrecovery For the podcast, just go to https://anchor.fm.james-b-boylan On iPhone say “Hey Siri, Play the podcast Spiritualityandrecovery.” Or, on Android “Hey, Google. Play the Jim Boylan podcast.”
