When new to the AA Program, I began feeling better about myself and others quite quickly. I clumsily worked the program to the best of my ability and was loving the new, to me, feelings of self worth and happiness. Then, something would happen and things would return to feeling bad, getting irritable, antsy, and discontent about things and not even knowing why? I had heard “Surrender to win” and wanted to learn more about this.
I told my sponsors about this, and they told me to figure out where I wasn’t working my program right. I immediately got indignant and then quickly tried their suggestion. So, I started going through my program starting with Step 1. When I got to Step 3, a mental sign blazed STOP RIGHT HERE! So, I went back and started at Step 1 again and, when getting to Step 3, the same sign blazed and mental sirens started wailing. (Figuratively, of course) So, I took another look and saw that, yes, I had turned my will and life over to God as completely as I thought I could. I also discovered that, when put in a testy situation, I would take parts of it back.
After looking at Step 3 again and seeing nowhere in it that, once we turn it over, we take any part of it back, no matter how small. In fact, Step 3 says: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. That’s it, all, fini! I then asked my sponsors again what did they do when faced with similar situations. They told me that they finally were sick and tired of being sick and tired so they surrendered completely to their new-found Higher Power and things seemed to immediately get better for them. Of course, I immediately argued that I never surrendered anything in my life and wasn’t ready to start now. They then laughed at me. LAUGHED!
I then looked up the definition of surrender and discovered this. To surrender is to “cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.” Since I had not been drinking for a short time and was listening to and watching my sponsors living and enjoying their lives, I quickly saw new meaning in this. Resistance to my drinking and ensuing thoughts and actions got me nowhere in a hurry. I could see where my agnosticism, if there is such a word, to this alcoholic, was truly an opponent. What more did I have to lose if I gave in or ceased resistance to this Higher Power?
So, I finally surrendered to this Higher Power who I now choose to call God and things have continually gotten better since. Every day is not filled with laughs and chuckles but I am truly Happy, Joyous, and Free no matter what is happening to me, or around me, or in the world. Why? Because I am Happy because I am able to make decisions that are the right ones at the time. I am Joyous because I realize that I can make a decision that turns out to be a bad one and that does not make me bad. Merely someone who will try something different the next time. And Free because I am no longer under the influence of a mind altering substance of any kind.
When I work my Program 24/7/365 I do not take back my will and my life from God and ALL continues to be well. This also reminded me that each and every time that I have discovered myself getting upset, it all comes down to where I am not working my program correctly. In almost ever event, it comes down to the 3rd Step. When worked properly, I don’t take any of it back. Working my Program 24/7/365 simply means constantly trying to do the next right thing. How do I know if it is right? Because, when working to the best of my ability, the next thing IS the right thing. It FEELS right and IS right.
See, it is a very simple program for very complcated folks. K.I.S.S.! God bless you!
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