When I entered this amazing program, I was advised quickly that it is not a religious program but is a deeply spiritual program. It was not a temporary stop gap. It is a way of life! My first thoughts were “Sure, like there is a difference.” I, like some other newcomers to the program, had had unpleasant experiences with religion. I did not really know what I truly believed. I don’t think that I was atheist but, if a label is needed, probably an agnostic. Seemed to think that God’s last name was Damnit. That Jesus Christ was an expletive used when suffering a quick pain like hitting a finger with a hammer when missing the nail.
I had heard for years that God was going to get me for one act or another. Also that he was a judgmental, punishing white male with shoulder length hair sitting on a golden throne somewhere “Up There in the sky.” He was pointing his finger at sinners like me. Looking back, this was not a life. This was an existence.
Just how could this person possibly help me with my life? I was quickly introduced to the teachings of Emmet Fox, an early leader in the New Thought movement of spirituality and for the founders of the AA Program. His book, The Sermon on the Mount, was probably the first Big Book in AA. I learned that God was not a “person.” He was an energy source. He could not be seen or pictured. But was there just like electricity.
I was able to look at the AA Program differently then. I saw that Step 2 only advises us that we were only to believe that there was a Power greater than ourselves. It could and would help if sought. Then Step 3 advised us to turn our will and life over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM, without giving this God a name. I chose my AA group as my Higher Power because it was made up of people just like me. They were changing their lives for the better by merely following these simple steps.
I was also advised “Fake it ‘till you make it!” So I tried it. Guess what? I started feeling much better and seeing actual changes in my life. Soon discovered that I could go for hours at a time without thinking of a drink for maybe the first time since I started drinking. I began to feel that there was hope for me. Whereas I had no thought or idea of hope for me when I came into this amazing program.
I was advised by the half dozen or so people who took me aside when I entered, sat me down and made me listen. They said that they were going to be my sponsors, like it or not! They had been formerly some of the baddest dudes in one of the baddest cities in the US, Detroit. And they were showing me something that I really didn’t understand, love. AND I LISTENED and HEEDED! Once I got to the 3rd Step, I told them that I was still in the white knuckle stage. That I was not able to even remember The Serenity Prayer, let alone the 3rd Step prayer. They told me “Not a problem. Whenever you get into one of these situations, just say ‘God help me’ and move on.”
So, I tried it and guess what again? Almost instant relief. You see? I was in a similar situation to a person floating adrift in the middle of Lake Michigan with no help in sight. Thinking that there was no way out or even hope of it for me. AA came into my life and a Higher Power came with it. My Higher Power was in the form of these big, ugly, beautiful men who, not only understood where I was coming from, but wanted to do nothing but help me. I grabbed for this help just as I would a life preserver tossed to me in the middle of Lake Michigan. Because of where I was, I desperately grabbed the tossed rescue aid and have not let go ever since.
To this day, decades later, I use the shortened version of the 3rd Step that they told me of. Simply saying “God Help Me.” Now I am able to say even more “God Thank Yous” because the Higher Power that I now choose to call God has never let me down.
Do I always get what I want? No, I don’t! But, do I always get what I need? Yes, absolutely I do! I started putting this topic together and am reminded that I could go on seemingly forever talking about what Spirituality means to me but that will be coming at other times. God bless you all!
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