The Big Book, in its passages pertaining to the Inventory process, lists character defects. After each defect, in parentheses, is the word FEAR. What this means is that fear is the root of all defects of character. Anger – fear of getting something. Anxiety – fear of losing something. Resentment – fear of others’ opinions, etc. Most of the time we are not even aware that we have the fear. Maybe the greatest fear is fear of the unknown. Do you ever recall thinking of or actually entering an entirely new situation and the apprehension that can be overwhelming?
Let’s start with the biggest fear to most folks, the fear of death. This is a totally unknown experience for most folks. Not many think of dying in the same way they would think of going to Disney World but one could bring us joy in the planning the other could bring mental pain and anxiety that could be suffocating. Now, one may wonder, if fear is so emotionally debilitating, what is the opposite? I seem to have plenty of courage and guts so why am I afraid? The opposite of fear is not courage, bravery, guts, valor, or any of these types of attitudes.
The opposite of fear is faith. Enter the spiritual portion of the program, which is now our life. My Higher Power is not going to ever give me anything that together we can not handle. Remember, the Higher Power is not the judgmental, overbearing, tyrannical king that we may have been raised to believe in. He did not save me from drowning only to have me get run over by a dune buggy while lying on the beach recovering from the near drowning situation. How do I work my program in this situation? You are right! We go right back to Step 3, shortened version – “God Help Me! “
I had a situation happen a while back that, while starting out horribly, ended up being a blessing. When I was a Detroit copper, I took part in many drug raids, never wearing an armored vest. On this particular night, I wore a vest for probably the very first time. About 3:00AM and it was very dark as we approached from the alley. I was manning the ram. We struck the door and the ram, instead of knocking the door in, went through the door leaving a hole. When we pulled the ram out of the hole, an occupant shoved a shotgun through this opening and pulled the trigger. The blast struck me point blank in the chest. The force of the blast picked me up bodily and threw me off of the porch onto the ground. I remember seeing the muzzle flash and thinking “He shot me!”
The next thing that I remember is looking down from above into the pitch black yard and seeing me lying on the ground and the others exchanging gunfire with someone from within. The images that I could see were similar to the green tones as seen through an infrared scope. I could hear everything that was being said, done and thought by both me and the others in what can be best described as slo-mo. Seconds later, which seemed much longer, it was as if I came awake. From the quieter environment of looking from above, I suddenly heard and smelled the gunfire and yelling and swearing. I had looked down on my own body lying on the ground as if I were separated from it. Fear was not even part of the occasion at this time. Just bewilderment.
For a long time I never told anyone about this experience because I thought that they would have thought that “Oh, Jim is just hallucinating again.” Then, as I studied Spirituality and Emmet Fox and near-death experiences of others, I realized that I had been blessed to witness the fact that the soul and the body are not the same. My human body will wear out but my soul will live on.
I fear nothing now because I realize that God IS helping me each and every day at all times. I have a healthy respect for many things but absolutely no fear. That does not make me brave, that makes me blessed! Fear is fear. Healthy fear is an oxymoron. There are no “healthy” fears. Respect takes the character defect of fear out of the equation. What do you think?