I wondered when I was relatively new to the program of AA why I was seeming to have as many problems as I had before and at times even more. My sponsors reminded me that, when drinking and thinking alcoholically, my emotional age froze. If I was 13 when first drinking alcoholically, even though I was actually in my 30s, 40, 50s or whatever, my emotional level was 13. What kind of thinking, mentality, emotional level does the average 13 year old have?
Looking deeper, stopping drinking is a major step forward but remember that the other 11 ½ Steps of AA are all about our thinking. There is no more mention of alcohol or drinking in the Steps. This is why it is important that we do not stop in our AA Program at the 1st Step, or even the first 3. Many come into the program and are relatively successful for days, weeks, months, and even years working only the first 3 Steps.
To me, this is not sobriety. This is just not drinking. When I first entered the program and began working it to the best of my ability at the time, I didn’t realize that the best of my ability at that time was really flawed. Without digging deeper into the Spiritual portion of the program, I still had the emotional and even physical ups and downs that I had before AA, only without the emotional crutch of alcohol to soften the blows.
Emmet Fox was the Spiritual Advisor for Bill W. and many of the first in the AA Program. His Sermon on the Mount was required reading with early members and actually became what was the forerunner of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that Bill put together. If it was good enough for Bill W, I wanted it too and read it cover to cover many times. I even gave it as gifts along with the Big Book to other newcomers to the Program. Many of my questions about living everyday life without drinking or other mind-altering substances were answered. I then looked into other of the many papers and talks and books and pamphlets authored by Dr. Fox. Once I started, I seemed addicted to the very study of Spirituality and could never seem to get enough. Although Fox had died in 1951, I leaned on his writings and teachings and used them to be my Spiritual Advisor.
This went on until I met my present day Spiritual Advisor, Reverend Stephanie Sorensen, who I can contact at any time with questions. The answers to my questions are found in the “New Thought” school of thinking. What I have discovered is quite fabulous. I am a healthy, fit 80 year old eternal Spiritual Being living in this human experience portion of my eternal life that has been spoken of by spiritual teachers, mystics, and others for centuries. When I get a pain or problem, I use the shortened version of the 3rd Step by saying “God Help Me” and change my thoughts. It works for me and has ever since I tried it.
This all comes down to answering the question posed in the topic, Why do I seem to have as many problems or even more than I had before coming into AA? The answer is that I don’t have more problems. I just am not numbing the responses to life’s sudden curves with a mind altering substance such as alcohol. I am learning how to deal with the emotional ups and downs of life that all who are in the human condition experience face. Life does not stop. We sometimes do.
Now, when life seems to throw a curve ball, I don’t have to duck anymore. I use the shortened version of the AA 3rd Step and say “God, help me!” And I quickly discover that He does. Since this works very well, I will not try to fix it. What about you? If you ever have any questions, just ask and we will work it out together.