When I came into AA, I was spiritually bankrupt. I had no prior religious training or real experience.
My only prayers were foxhole prayers and He would get me out of a situation and I would chump Him or He would not get me out of a situation and I figured He had chumped me.
I was ready, able, and willing to “Go to any lengths” to get this program that seemed to have helped so many people that I was seeing in the meetings.
My original sponsors told me repeatedly “Fake it until you make it!” so I did. Soon, I was seeing changes in me that I never thought possible and I was not faking it anymore.
I had gone a short amount of time and realized that I hadn’t thought about taking a drink lately. Someone would get into my face and I would either divert the conversation to something else or exit completely.
This was instead of smacking them upside the head or talking about their sex life with their mother. People were talking with me not looking for avenues of escape.
Soon I recalled Step 2, Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, and Step 3, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
With these two Steps, I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I would feel lonely in a crowd, no matter who was in it.
I would walk around my block in Detroit on holidays seeing, and smelling the barbeque, and hearing families and neighbors celebrating and having a great time, and feel so alone that I would cry.
After working the first 3 Steps to the best of my ability, remembering I was willing to go to any lengths to make this change, I reverted back to my own addictive personality and wanted more, much more.
This meant that I was ready to move on deeper into the program.
Remember, I was at the stage where if someone told me that if I would take a pill that they gave me and it would cure my alcoholism, my first thought would be “I wonder what two would do.”
So, I dove head and heart first into the spiritual aspect of the program and progressed, seemingly, by leaps and bounds. I couldn’t get enough and was always looking for more.
The beautiful part of this was that the more that I looked, the more that I found.
To this day, I am digging and trying to expand my spiritual awareness that was awakened by this simple program of AA that was put together for very complicated folks.
I learned truly what serenity means and, of course, still am looking for more. I think that the key to success in this program is to study and learn from the heart and not the head.
You may know something intellectually but I feel that I don’t really know anything unless I FEEL it. Rumi talks of learning and feeling the vibes from it “Like a river flowing through me.”
I feel it today and the results are that I am truly Happy, Joyous, and Free. Do you want the same thing? Then COD, come on down, and use all of the AA tools — Let Go and Let God, KISS — and don’t overcomplicate the situation.
If it feels good, do it. If there is apprehension, stop and take a breath because something is amiss. This, my friends, is the simplicity of the program. Feel good? Right. Feel bad? Oh, oh! Thank you, God!
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