How many of you can relate the first reaction to being startled or surprised , especially if hungry or tired, with Anger? That was and, upon occasion, still is with me. The saving grace for me is that when it happens now, it is really short lived. I get over it quickly when I discover that I am getting angry. This is because I have learned that anger is a first step toward resentment. Resentment leads to fear. Fear, in my past, has led to violence. Violence led to feelings of guilt. Then, feelings of guilt led to remorse. Of course, for me, remorse leads to a drink. This would lead to guilt about drinking again. Added to whatever the original anger or rage was all about. If it can even be remembered at all.
This is the squirrel cage that my life put me in. It was one of going round and round and nowhere all at the same time. There is a remedy. For me THE cure, is to just start counting my blessings. Also thanking the one or ones who gave them to me. I start with “Thank you God!” I then don’t tell Him specifics. Just that I am grateful. Through AA, I have discovered that when I really take the time to count my blessings, I don’t have time to complain. Or even start rage.
OK, when this flash anger pops up, how do I turn it around? At that instant, I don’t usually even think of the 3rd Step. Nor even remember The Serenity Prayer. Or any other, for that matter. I am thinking retaliation! And plotting revenge. The AA Program has been in my system for a while now. So usually I can remember the shortened version of the 3rd Step. Simply say “God Help Me.”
So, when I to say, simply, “God help me,” amazingly He does. The outrage takes a “Poof pill” and disappears. How do I know if it is God, or something else? IT DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL! I just know that I just say or think “God help me!” And He does. Hence, things get better. I discovered some things a long time ago. One, that my best vocabulary does not include ‘How come,?’ ‘Why?’ ‘If only!’ Or ‘but’. You have given me a conscience that is real. This is for the first time EVER.
Because of this, I now know much more. If it feels good and right, IT IS! If there is any apprehension at all, I should step back and reconsider. Otherwise, the anger WILL return. This leads me to a life that is filled with Happiness, Joy, and Freedom. Even if things are difficult and you are working your program 24/7/365 only TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY, step back. If it feels right, it is right! Therefore just DO it!
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