What was, and upon occasion still is, my first response to being startled, surprised, or in any way taken out of my immediate comfort zone? Anger! Sometimes, it may be triggered by the simple act of being asked something. And not immediately able to have the answer. Anger may flash and disappear quickly. But, it still was there!
In any list that AA puts forth naming Character Defects, anger is right there. Big, bad, and bold. Digging deeper into it, the Big Book puts Fear in parentheses. Immediately after all of the individual character defects when discussing making an inventory. Fear is the root of ALL defects of character.
When new into the AA program, I was introduced to the Spiritual Way of Life. I was shown right away and repeatedly that I was to get rid of any thought of my Higher Power as a judgemental power. One with human tendencies sitting “on high.” Telling me that I was going to Hell. I was to call this Higher Power anything that I wished. Just call upon this Power frequently. This Higher Power was inside my heart. Not up in the sky somewhere. A miraculous reward from realizing this was that my anger was beginning to disappear,
Being so low when I entered, the only way to go was out or up. Since I had failed in several suicide attempts, out was not an option anymore. How do I go up? Fake it till I make it and Let Go and Let God. It worked for me! Not always easy but always simple. And the anger was backing off.
How do I do this? How do I begin to obtain more peace and serenity? I start with saying the shortened version of the 3rd Step. Simply saying “God, help me.” Then get out of His way and let him. Read, study, and finally understand the 3rd step. If you are apprehensive about it, just act as if.were true. Pretty soon, I worked on really doing this in all my affairs. Understanding and then relief came in loud and clear. Only then could I truly turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. Then I live a life that is Happy, Joyous, and Free! Whenever I am feeling out of sorts, a renewal of the 3rd step gives the bad feeling a poof pill. If I can do it, then certainly you can too! God bless you!
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