Many of us came into the program and were dumbfounded when faced with people we were close to. They didn’t even seem to care about our newfound “stopping drinking again phase” that we were going through. Who cares? It may have hurt a little or a lot. But “don’t they realize what I am going through to make it nicer for them and all?” Some were indifferent and some were downright hostile. After all, hadn’t we been their drinking companions for a long time? I heard early on when I first came into the program that, in order for this to work, we MUST do it for ourselves. Not for anyone else. I soon discovered that I can not do anything for another until I get myself somewhat straight.
I had trained the people around me how to act and react around me. Now I was throwing sobriety into their laps. How many times before had I said “I’m sorry” and “I’ll never do it again?” Then I not only did it again but with even more force. My first wife and I met when I was a bouncer in a red neck joint and she was a waitress not far from my bar. Our first attraction was when I used to throw her ex-husband out. After learning that they were exes, maybe happily injuring him a bit in the process. From this mutual attraction, the relationship grew into the 4 letter “L’” word, lust.
So, my first marriage was a 16-year divorce waiting to happen and not a real marriage. When I would come home from work, she would be passed out at the kitchen table slumped over one of my pistols hoping to shoot me when I came in. I would tell others at work about it and they would laugh. Who cares? Not the people that I was surrounded with.
The more that I attended AA and tried to work the AA Program, the more she hated me. My coworkers had problems of their own so they didn’t seem to care that I was sobering. They had heard it all before from me, too, and didn’t really care about me anyway. Have you ever seen someone and asked “How are you” and got a long diatribe about their ailments, aches, and pains and wished you hadn’t asked? Most people are not really concerned about your aches, pains, ailments, or complaints. I oftentimes cried to myself “Who cares?” and felt so alone.
The difference in what we are thinking and what many others, including others in the program for various lengths of time up to and including decades in the program, is probably that you are really working your program to the best of your ability and they are not.
The answer to this poser is really quite simple! Discover who you are working your program for and go for it. If you are working the program for yourself, you are well on your way to Happiness, Joy, and Freedom. GO FOR IT! I feel that I must repeat – you do not have to like everything that happens to you or others around you. You may have a serious injury, illness, loss of a close person, any of a number of problems. But, if you do not drink or drug, you will be able to deal with them. For this reason, hopefully, you will remain Happy, Joyous, and Free yourself because that is something you now do have control over.
Imagine that! If we surrender to the concepts of the AA Program, we will now have control over important portions of our lives. Surrender to advance! Will others care more if they know all of this? Maybe, but probably not. They are too busy trying to deal with their own demons, making yours less important to them NO MATTER WHAT THEY MAY SAY!
There are some spouses and other family members who may care more but don’t try to cash that check too soon either. If they do, cash it and run with it. If they don’t, say a prayer for them and continue working your program. When you do this, YOU CAN’T GO WRONG! So, who cares? The most important one to be concerned about caring is YOU so just assure that YOU DO! As soon as you really care about yourself, you will become truly Happy, Joyous, and Free! This is a promise!
More can be found on our other pages. We have an AA Zoom meeting, blogs, and a podcast, in addition to our Facebook page. They are updated regularly. We hope that you will join us on these sites and comment so that we can share with each other our experiences, strengths, and hopes. The Zoom meeting is every Monday through Friday, 3:00 PM EST. Meeting ID is 6035280704, Password 399778. To locate the blogs and Facebook pages, simply search @Spiritualityandrecovery. For the podcast, search Spotify.com for Spiritualityandrecovery. On iPhone say “Hey Siri, Play the podcast Spiritualityandrecovery“