Having the advantage of 20/20 hindsight, I can see that there was always a God in my life. (Step 2) I had just refused to acknowledge It. I was existing but I wanted to really live my life. My life was just about completely unmanageable and I was powerless over a lot of things including alcohol. (Step 1) I had always thought that God was a being in human form. He was sitting on some type of throne “up there” in the sky/heaven judging and punishing people who He judged to be sinners. Of course, in reality, the label of ‘sinners’ was placed on people by other human beings. These judges may or may not have had an agenda of their own.
AA taught me immediately that my Higher Power was not “up there” somewhere. It was inside each and every one of us. It was ready, able, and willing to love and help me any time that I reached out. The only thing that I discovered that I must do is believe and ask. It says in the Big Book that God “Could and would if he were sought.” My only requirement was that I be willing to humble myself to this Power and ask. How much more simple could this be? Being probably an agnostic when I came in, to put a label on it, I don’t recall ever surrendering to any power, human, or mystic.
Once I got over this hurdle and said “God help me,” (Shortened version of Step 3) my life became much more manageable. At last, I was beginning to live, not just exist. Alcohol seemed to have a lot less power over me. I was actually enjoying my new life of freedom from myself and trying to spread this new-found knowledge to anyone who was willing to listen. To this day, I still pray that I can continue spreading the word.
Life has become much simpler to deal with. Things that once bothered me or scared me no longer were a problem. I discovered that I was not dealing with them alone any more. Yes, although unwilling to admit fear of anything before, I learned that fear was the root of all of our character defects. (Steps 4,5) I was able to tap into the help from my “new-found” Higher Power. He seemed to be working through the people in my life.
My life has taken a total 180 degree turn. I only want the lives of others to be as good or even better than I have. Life and sobriety are like love, we can’t keep either unless we give it away. Every time I see or hear someone awaken to this, maybe because of something that I may have said or done, I get the feeling that I am truly too blessed to be stressed. So, I guess my answer to today’s question of how to make spirituality work in my life is just allow and ask. Then get out of His way. I would not willingly have it any other way. God Bless you all!