With no religious or spiritual background when coming into the program of AA, I didn’t think much of or about it. My prayers were limited to “God get me out of this and I will never do it again.” Then he would get me out of it and I would dump him. Or he wouldn’t and I would believe that he had dumped me. My sponsors insisted that I give this new, to me, idea of spirituality a chance. I didn’t like me. They told me that they would love me until I could love myself. Didn’t know how, so they told me to fake it until I made it. I was very unsure but I also was hurting physically and emotionally and wanted it all to stop.
Then, I saw the people at meetings smoking and joking about what I considered horrible things that they had done. I thought that if they had my problems they would either drink or be miserable too. They seemed to actually be happy, joyous, and genuinely free. They said that they loved the feelings when they worked their own programs. I wanted that! And I paid close attention to the second paragraph of How it Works where it says that if I wanted what they had then I should be willing to go to any lengths to get it. I was of the mind that anything was better than my life at that time. So I was willing to go to any lengths to get what they were showing me.
It didn’t take long and I soon was not faking it as much and feeling much better. The strong desire for a drink left rather quickly. Feeling much better about myself which led to thinking better of others. I even recognized that I was beginning to allow myself to love me a little.
I once thought about most people as a-holes and jerks. As I practiced these principles in all of my affairs, I was amazed at how these jerks seemed to turn into nicer people. My faking it until I made it attitude was leading me to a genuine like and then love for most of them. When I surrendered to the 3rd step, which was surrendering to my Higher Power, I actually started liking myself. This led to loving others. Even love was also new to me. I had thought I knew how to love before but I soon discovered that it was usually more like or lust than love.
The short version of the AA 3rd step is very simple and easy to remember. Simply say “God Help me” and life becomes a joy. The “Help me God” has now turned more into “Thank you God.” I am truly Happy, Joyous, and Free.
No matter how long or short you have been in the AA program, you can have it too if you only get over any inhibitions about “The God thing” and try faking it until you make it. This life is yours for the taking. If this formerly very large, very angry, very violent, well-trained, and well-armed guy can do it, you can too. It is never too late to start all over, if you have to. My Higher Power, who I now choose to call God, has my and your back. Try it, you’ll like it! Peace be with you!
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