When I had been in the Program for about 3 months, I was feeling much better about myself and all around me. Then things seemed to come crashing down on me and I began riding on an emotional roller coaster. I didn’t understand what was going on at all. I had calmed my emotions down to a fairly even level. Then, seemingly out of the blue, I went from giddy high to ground crashing low. And seemed to be bouncing from one to the other. It didn’t take long before I started to think that maybe I should drink again. Why? Because, when I drank, at least I got some oblivion during my blackouts.
Fortunately for me, I had some cooler heads than mine that had become close to me and advised strongly that I should think about attending a rehab center. There I could immerse myself in the program without the distractions of work, family, and life. So, I went to an alcohol rehab center and admitted myself. When I was there, outside of technical and medical issues, I probably heard and saw the very same things that I had seen and heard while attending 8-10 AA meetings a week. The difference now was that I did not have the negative nay-sayers close to me trying (and successfully, I might add) to dissuade me from associating with the group of people I was meeting and becoming friends with. And who I was looking to for support.
I also learned that, for at least the first year or so, my emotional makeup could easily change, either slightly or greatly, about every three months. I could enter a Dry Drunk Zone, so to speak, and this was normal. The important thing for me to learn was that others had gone through this, too. And that, as long as I continued working my Program to the best of my ability, things would get much better for me. Just as it had for the others who didn’t drink or drug again.
I was reminded that my emotional growth stopped dead in its tracks when I started drinking alcoholically. This means that life keeps coming at me! But now, when the snags in my life appeared, I must learn to deal with them without a mind altering substance in my system. (And with the emotional and mental capacity at the level of a teenager.)
As I continued to progress in the Program, my mental and emotional level also progressed. They got to the point where The Promises that we hear before most meetings were coming true. I had always looked for the easier, softer way and now was discovering that, for me, Sobriety IS the easier, softer way. It is much easier to stay sober than to get sober! So the answer is simply to practice this amazing Program 24/7/365 and my life will continue to get better and better. To this day, 45+ years later, my life still continues to get better.
Today, I am Happy, Joyous, and Free and getting even more so all the time. Why? Because I try to work my Program to the best of my ability 24/7/365. I took the 3rd Step and turned my will and my life over to the care of My God. And, as long as I regularly use the shortened version of the 3rd Step, saying merely “God help me,” and then standing back and letting Him, He does! God bless you!
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