When I entered this amazing learning program, I was advised quickly that it is not a religious program. That it is a deeply spiritual program. My first thoughts were “Sure, like there is a difference.” I, like some other newcomers to the program, had had unpleasant experiences with religion. Didn’t really know what I truly believed. I don’t think that I was atheist but, if a label is needed, probably an agnostic. Even thought that God’s last name was Damnit. And that Jesus Christ was an expletive used when suffering a quick pain like hitting a finger with a hammer when missing the nail.
I had heard for years that God was going to “get” me for one act or another. Also that he was a judgmental, punishing white male. He had shoulder length hair and a beard sitting on a golden throne somewhere “Up There.” He was pointing his finger at sinners like me. Just how could this person possibly help me? This is what my earlier “religious learning” had given me.
I was quickly introduced to the teachings of Emmet Fox. He was an early leader in the New Thought movement of spirituality. He was the Spiritual Advisor for the founders and early members of the AA Program. His book, The Sermon on the Mount, was probably the first Big Book in AA. I was learning to look at the AA Program differently then. I saw that Step 2 only advises us that we were to believe that there was a Power greater than ourselves. It could and would help if sought. Then Step 3 advises us to turn our will and life over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM. Without giving this God a name.
I chose my AA group as my Higher Power. Why? Because I was learning that it was made up of people just like me. They were changing their lives for the better. They did this by merely following these simple steps.
I was also advised “Fake it ‘till you make it” and so I tried it. Guess what? I started feeling much better and seeing actual changes in my life. Soon discovered that I could go for hours at a time without thinking of a drink. This was for maybe the first time since I started drinking. I began to feel that there was hope for me. Whereas before, I had no thought or idea of hope for me.
I was confronted by a half dozen or so people. They took me aside when I entered one of my first meetings. They sat me down and made me shut up and listen. Said that they were going to be my sponsors. Like it or not. They had been formerly some of the baddest dudes in one of the baddest cities in the US, Detroit. We had fought and struggled as I had arrested them. They were now showing me something that I really didn’t understand. Love. AND I SAT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND LISTENED.
Once I got to the 3rd Step, I told them that I was still in the white knuckle stage. I wasn’t able to even remember The Serenity Prayer, let alone the 3rd Step prayer. They told me “Not a problem. Whenever you get into one of these situations, just say ‘God help me.’ Then move on.” So, I tried it and guess what again. Almost instant relief. You see, I was in a similar situation to a person floating adrift in the middle of Lake Michigan with no help in sight. And thinking that there was no way out or even hope of it for me.
AA came into my life and a Higher Power came with it in the form of these big, ugly, beautiful men. They not only understood where I was coming from, but wanted to do nothing but help me. I grabbed for this help just as I would a life preserver tossed to me in the middle of Lake Michigan. Because of where I was, I desperately grabbed the tossed rescue aid. And have not let go ever since.
To this day, decades later, I still use this shortened version of the 3rd Step. Just saying “God Help Me.” Then stepping back and letting Him. Now I am able to say even more ‘God Thank Yous.’ This is because the Higher Power that I now choose to call God has never let me down. Do I always get what I want? No, I don’t! But, do I always get what I need? Yes, absolutely! I do! I started putting this topic together and am reminded that I could go on seemingly forever. I love talking about what Spirituality means to me. That will surely be coming at another time. God bless you!
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