When I first came into AA and heard about God’s will and my will, I didn’t have a clue as to what it really meant. I had been taught and thought that I knew all about willpower being the way to get anything done. Probably had heard about God’s will for me but it all had gone right over my head.
I had a conscience where I thought that I knew right from wrong. But I never thought about it either. Then I began hearing about Spirituality, not religion. And saw that, whatever it was, it seemed to be working very well with you folks. This is probably where I first heard that I should pay attention to God’s will and not my will.
As I looked deeper into what Spirituality really was, I liked what I was seeing and hearing. I saw it in your changing attitudes for the better. Heard it in your explanations of how you were working on your program. I have turned my life into one of constantly striving to learn more about my Spirituality.
Then, I have learned that I have a different conscience than I had when in the madness. I really know and FEEL what is right and what is wrong now. What is right for me is doing God’s will for me. When I do wrong for me, it is when I do not do God’s will. What slowed me down was my wondering what God’s will was for me. I didn’t want to turn into a funless slug. It took a while, but I discovered that I should not go out looking for God’s will. Just do what I think is right and I will know instantly if it is right or wrong.
When I first get a thought and feel comfortable with it, it is God’s will. If I feel apprehensive at all, I should pause and decide if I really should do whatever I was thinking of. Remember our discussions on the power of the mind?
Whatever we wish to call our Higher Power, It did create us, so how do I know if this Power is speaking to us? The universe is made up of vibrations. We know this because of high school Physics. So, if I feel good about a thought, it is God communicating with me that it is all right. If I feel apprehensive, it is God communicating with me that maybe I should rethink the situation.
Have you ever noticed getting vibrations from people? Good feeling ones when the thoughts are happy thoughts and apprehensive ones when the thoughts are questionable? These vibes can come as a shiver, shudder, a warm or chilly feeling coming over us. They may be strong or mild, but, whichever, they are real. Pay attention to them and try to figure out just what they mean.
This is an interesting way to discover just what our Higher Power is telling us. In Step 11, it tells us “Sought through prayer and meditation…” and I never knew what meditation was. I still do not do formal meditation but do observe what is going on around me and pay real attention to this in the Now. Now, I believe that my thoughts and wishes are in keeping with the knowledge of His will for me.
So I pray that Our will be done. For it to be Our will, that merely means that my wishes and will are in sync with His will. This is my meditation. If it feels right, it probably is right. If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong. How much simpler can it get? Thank you, God!