I believe that the most important words that one could ever speak about themselves are the words following “I am!” Think about it a moment. Say to yourself “I am!” What are your first thoughts after saying this? When I came into AA, I thought of myself as lower than a snake’s belly. I didn’t like me and if I didn’t like me I hated you! If I hated you I hurt you. If I hurt you, I was sorry. If I was sorry I got remorse. If I got remorse, I got drunk again trying to end it all and discovering that things just continued to get worse. So I hurt someone else to feel better myself and felt worse so around and around I went on the merry-go-round of agony.
I saw no way out of this agony and started planning my suicide and funeral. I would go out in a blaze of glory and my family would still be covered by my insurance instead of denied because of the suicide.
The Spiritual portion of the program began working through me just as soon as I let go and let God and listened to my sponsors. Not only listened but did what they and others at the AA meetings suggested. Soon the I AMs turned from a piece of crap to I AM SOMEBODY. Then I AM SOMEBODY GOOD, Then I CARE ABOUT OTHERS AS WELL AS MYSELF. Family members started slowly venturing into trusting that I was not going to harm them. Fellow workers started slowly believing that I could be trusted to try to do the right thing.
As the feelings improved, so did my life. Once I realized that my life was actually improving, I wanted more and more. I could not get enough. My hand was always up asking questions and asking for information. I was advised by these new found friends, that I now trusted totally, that I was accepting the spiritual element of the program so, of course, I wanted more. Remember I am addicted to everything. So I dug deeply into the spiritual portion of the program.
It was then that I was introduced to someone who became my Spiritual Advisor, Reverend Stephanie Sorensen of Flint’s Life Enrichment Center, who helped me discover that I AM a spiritual being living in a spiritual universe governed by spiritual law. As a Divine Being, I am an individualized expression of God and one with all that exists. I memorized and now use this daily as an affirmation and it keeps me steady on the course of life.
I now wish to tell you folks that changing from being a very angry, violent, unpredictable, well armed man to one that is truly Happy, Joyous, and Free was a transformation that ONLY AA was able to do for me. AA was able to do this because of its strong, Spiritual foundation. When I surrendered to the very simple program devised for very complicated folks, I became one who can now say and truly believe that I AM SOMEBODY, I AM GOOD, I AM LOVING, I AM A SPIRITUAL BEING. YOU CAN TOO!!!