We are not responsible for our first thought. Only what we do about it. We are not responsible for the initial feeling of gloom and doom and blues that sometimes come over us. Only what we do about it, also. In the mentioned scenarios, we are responsible for our reaction to the first thought that came to us. We, also, are responsible for what we do when that bluesy feeling first comes over us. For this alcoholic, the poor me’s rapidly turn into pour me’s. What does this mean for this alcoholic? It means that I am down again to the lowest portion of the Jelnic Chart. Right at death, insanity, or recovery. It’s as simple as that!
I don’t recall ever doing something halfway. If I am feeling down with the blues, how do I think my way out of it safely? I do not ponder it and think and say “I’ll get over it.” If I do, I will continue thinking about it and what does thinking lead to? For this alcoholic it leads to action. What action did I always take whenever I felt too good, bad, sick, well, down, up? I DRANK! What did I do when I DRANK, I hurt someone. What did I do when I hurt someone? I felt guilty. What did I do when I felt guilty? I felt remorse. What did I do when I felt remorse? I DRANK! And so the merry-go-round goes on and on.
How deeply did I feel my program before I started feeling this low again? There, I said feel my program, not think about my program. If I deeply felt my program, I honestly worked the 3rd Step and turned my will and my life over to my God and went on with my life. If I only performed lip service, I thought that I would try to turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power. So called “reality” tells me that this may only be a myth so why not cover all my bases and put my new found tools to use.
I want you to know what has worked for me for a very long time now, EACH AND EVERY TIME I have called for help. First, how do I call for help? I have said before that this is a very simple program for very complicated folks so I simply say the shortened version of the 3rd Step, “God Help Me,” and move on with my life. Yes, with my life. For I have a life now. After going through the learning process of the early time in AA, I definitely know that there is life for me. It is not “out there.” It is HERE and NOW! And the blues are not in my system, They are in my painters palate.
As long as I practice the principles that I have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous IN ALL MY AFFAIRS, I don’t have the need to do anything or feel anything that I do not wish to do or feel. I have gone through most if not all of the super great and super low times that one could go through. I have suffered significant losses. Have made it well through cancer treatments and surgeries, both to me and my wife, and others in my family. I am regularly Happy, Joyous, and Free.
This does not mean that I have giggled my way through. It means that, as long as I entered each and every venture by saying “God Help Me,” He has and the sun still rises in the East and sets in the West. The leaves still change colors in the fall. Babies continue to be born. And life goes on and on. And the blues have disappeared from my life.
If I didn’t have this remarkable program and the Spirituality that it has introduced me to, none of these things would be able to be seen by me because I would have been LG, long gone. There is much more to life than seemed to exist before my introduction to AA and also, once into truly working my program 24/7/365, much more than my even just going to AA meetings. There are so many things, mostly good things, that I should and do pay attention to and am able to because of AA. I can get away from looking past the end of my nose and seeing that there are others who could use my help. When I do, my life expands exponentially.
This is being said so that you all know that, it doesn’t matter where you are in your program right now, If you continue to work your program, to the best of your ability, 24/7/365 and not just at meetings, your life will continue to get better. I am so grateful to have discovered this and to be able to deeply and totally love my life now. I have people who actually love me and show it. This is a far cry from the times when people either feared me or just avoided me.
If you want it, you have it within your grasp. Just work your program 24/7/365. How? Just continually do the next right thing. It is as simple as that! Now, take It and enjoy! God Bless You all!
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Such a good post. I’m not an addict but I used to drink a fair bit until recently and it always starts with the thought that I can’t cope with the feelings I’m having, that it’s too much. I turn to the idea of alcohol because in the past it has numbed the feelings a bit or created a kind of good feeling. Unfortunately it doesn’t last and I KNOW it doesn’t. I even end up feeling horrendous the next day with worse depression and anxiety and physical health. These days I catch myself wanting the alcohol and I stop myself in my tracks. I know the feelings will past and I can manage them without alcohol – without self destruction. It’s not easy but as you said if we ask for spiritual help we get it. I will often watch a spiritual video on you tube to feel connected if the craving for drink is really bad. Thank you.
Sarah, thank you for the beautiful comment. If you look at the 12 Steps of AA, you will see that only the 1st half of the 1st Step even mentions alcohol. ALL the rest address our thinking. Change your thinking, change your life! I believe that this is a great reason so many other groups and individuals have adopted these steps and simply replace the word alcohol with whatever they are trying to recover from. Recovery, itself, covers so much more than addiction or alcoholism. It includes, amony many others, recovery from poverty, bad relationships, overeating, swearing too much, depression, loss of a loved one or pet, and a whole host of others. You are so very right when you say that this is not easy. What it really is, though, is simple. As long as we don’t try to analze it, we will be just fine. Have a blessed day – Jim