Step 6 states “We were ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Notice that this step says remove ALL these defects of character. It does not say just some of them or “I am going to save a few otherwise I just wouldn’t be me.” Yes, I have heard both said too, and sometimes by people who have been in the program for a long time. I picked and chose which character defects to use and not use when I was drinking. Where would there be any progress if I still used these defects?
I want to change from being an overbearing, loud, forceful, vengeful ass into being a decent human being. This means that I should try to get rid of anything that is counter to being a decent person. As I continue to work my program, I am learning a new way of life. In this new way of life, I am Happy, Joyous, and Free and not at the expense of anyone else. That is a real turnaround in itself. A sense of humor where no one is the butt of my jokes.
Before, there was always someone on the bottom of my humor totem pole. I didn’t laugh with people, I laughed at them. I had been advised by my sponsors that probably the only things that I needed to change were EVERYTHING. Then I was reminded of how my Higher Power has helped me with everything that I asked. This was since I took heed to the line in How It Works that says “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths.” I realized that I WAS willing to go to any lengths.
Once again, I was directed back to the shortened version of the 3rd Step. I said “God Help Me,” and proceeded to ask Him to remove ALL these defects of character. I can still admire an attractive woman and not lust for her. I can dislike an action that someone took and not seek to right the perceived wrong by force. I soon realized that I am not the person I was and I loved the difference. People listened to me because they wanted to, not because I forced them to. I could be friends, or at least friendly, with anyone and not look for a reason to not be.
These changes made me into a totally different person. I no longer had to talk over people because I just thought that they really wanted my advice or observations. I am trying to work the program in ALL my affairs, not just when at meetings or trying to impress someone. This makes me truly Happy, Joyous, and Free! I am not here to tell anyone how to work their program. I am here to tell only what worked and still works for me.
In the beginning, it was rough because I had no idea that I was an alcoholic. I thought that everyone feels like this. I loved the meetings from the start but, after a short while, began to feel that there was so much more that I was missing from my meetings and sponsors. After 3 months of attending meetings only, I went to Brighton Recovery Hospital without drinking and this intensive atmosphere, based in AA Principals, brought home to me just what I had heard and seen at the meetings but was starting to lose.
It was while I was at Brighton Hospital that I was advised to go on Antabuse for a while. I had seen others using this and either drinking on it and describing the physical pain and torment that they went through or else just “FORGETTING” to take their Antabuse and going back to drinking. I was willing to go to any lengths to get the program so I set a time period for using it and did not stop before getting there. I hoped and prayed that the stop date was far enough in the future so that, if I missed a day, I would either get right back on or know that I was setting myself up for a drink.
2 years was chosen because I knew that, during that time period, I would probably go through most happenings, good and bad, so that I could learn that I could get through them without drinking. It worked for me and I am not unique in any way.
The phrase “My name is Jim and I am an alcoholic” took on a whole new meaning. I was now totally convinced and comfortable with it. It worked for me and still does. One of the reasons is that I was totally ready to have all my defects of character removed. Just what do you want from the program? Are you truly willing to go to any lengths to get it? If the answer is “Yes,” you are in the right place. If the answer is “almost or anything other than a hearty Yes,” then may God or whatever you may believe in bless you because we can not help you any more. What do you really want? The choice is yours. Choose wisely!
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