We have taken an inventory of ourselves and now what do we do with this? Some of it is very painful. This can be a very heavy load. When faced with carrying a heavy object, such as a big carton, we sometimes ask another for assistance and the two or so of us carry it easily. Mental ‘cartons” can seem even heavier than physical cartons.
Step 5 says “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” This Step immediately follows the inventory. We do not have to carry our mental load any longer than we choose. We have said before that we are only as sick as our secrets. This step is the first in the process of bringing daylight into our deepest secrets to help with our heavy mental carton. “Ya, but, if I told someone my deepest secret, they wouldn’t like me any more.” Another “Ya, but” that we hopefully will rid ourselves of in this step. “Ya, but” only compounds problems.
Why are they compounded? Because it turns us into explainers and people who want to keep hiding these diseased memories. If explaining, we are still thinking about the memories. Many of which maybe came from our subconscious to our conscious mind when we did our inventory. What a relief and joy to finally unearth them. We bring them from our deepest regrets out into the sunshine of openness that finally gives us peace.
Peace is called Serenity in the AA Program. Whatever you wish to call it, once you start really feeling it, you will probably will want more, much more. I did and still do. So much so that I try to have zero secrets such as these anymore. Notice that I do not put in the disclaimer by saying something similar to “I know that I am only one drink away from all of this misery, but….” I know what will happen if I pick up the first drink. I also know what will happen if I step in front of a moving truck. I don’t dwell on them.
I choose to think in the positive. I do this because, as we have discussed before, I get out of life exactly what I put into the mirror of my life. If I put in negativity, I see and feel negativity. If I put in positivity, I get positive results in all my affairs. An inventory can rid us of these negative chunks that clutter our minds.
Shining a light on our secrets means that they are no longer secret. Thus the burden is able to be shared and dealt with in a positive way, leaving us so much freer than we were before taking this step. With every secret that arises that we share, we are less bound to the misery and despair that we have lived with for so long. Just try not to pick and choose what parts of your old life you want to take back, not even for a minute.
Don’t be afraid of living. Be Happy with the fact that you can now truly live and enjoy life. Be Joyous that you are starting to feel more comfortable with yourself without the assistance of a mind-altering substance. You are now Free because you not have choices, maybe for the very first time, and it is all because you didn’t use a mind-altering substance for assistance.
If you didn’t drink or drug today, you now have choices. Wouldn’t it be nicer if you chose sucking on a straw in an ice cream soda rather than the barrel of a pistol? Do you choose to be miserable or do you choose to be Happy, Joyous, and Free? The choice is yours and nobody else’s’. Choose wisely!
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