The most important words that one could ever speak are the words following “I am!” Think about it a moment. Say to yourself “I am!” What are your first thoughts after saying this? When I came into AA, I thought of myself as lower than a snake. My words after “I am,” were similar to “No good.” I didn’t like me. If I didn’t like me I hated you. If I hated you I hurt you. When I hurt you I was sorry. Then, if I was sorry I got remorse. If I got remorse I got drunk trying to end it all. Quickly discovering that things just got worse. So I hurt someone to feel better myself. Then felt worse so around and around I went on the merry-go-round of agony.
I saw no way out of this agony and started planning my suicide and funeral. I would go out in a blaze of glory earning another medal. And, this way, my family would still be covered by my insurance instead of denied because of the suicide.
The spiritual portion of the program began working through me just as soon as I let go and let God and listened to my sponsors. Not only listened but did what they and others at the AA meetings suggested. Soon the I AMs turned from a piece of crap to I AM SOMEBODY. Then I AM SOMEBODY GOOD. Then I CARE ABOUT OTHERS AS WELL AS MYSELF. Family members started slowly venturing into trusting that I was not going to harm them. Fellow workers started slowly believing that I could be trusted to try to do the right thing.
As the feelings improved, so did life. Once I realized that my life was actually improving, I wanted more and more. I could not get enough. My hand was always up asking questions. I was advised by these new found friends, that I trusted totally, that I was accepting the spiritual element of the program. So, of course, I wanted more. Remember. I am addicted to everything. So I dug deeply into the spiritual portion of the program. The words following I Am were becoming more positive! This all came about because I started using the shortened version of the 3rd Step. Simply saying “God help me.” Whenever I came to a crossroad in my life. Ask for help and then get out of His way and let him.
It was then that I was introduced to someone who became my Spiritual Advisor, Reverend Stephanie Sorensen. She helped me to discover that I am a spiritual being. Living in a spiritual universe. That is governed by spiritual law. As a Divine Being, I am an individualized expression of God and one with all that exists. I memorized this. Now I use this daily as an affirmation. It helps keep me steady on the course of life. I want to tell you. Changing from a very angry, violent, unpredictable, well armed man to one that is truly Happy, Joyous, and Free was a transformation that ONLY AA was able to do for me.
I admitted to myself that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable. (Step 1) This became the new beginning that my life very much needed. Then I realized that there was a power greater then myself. It was ready, able, and willing to help me with everything. (Step 2) This was followed by turning my will and life over to this Higher Power. I now choose to call this Higher Power God. (Step 3) The words “I am” now applied to me in a much more positive way.
When I surrendered to the very simple program devised for very complicated folks (Step 3) I became one who can now say I AM SOMEBODY. I AM GOOD. I’M LOVING. I AM A SPIRITUAL BEING. And all with conviction. YOU CAN TOO!!! God bless you!
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