because at one time or another you will face it!
Everyone must sometime deal with the loss of someone or something that played a significant part in their life. This could be a parent, spouse, mate, child, friend, car, job, or even drugs or alcohol.
All played a large part in their life. Whenever this happens, you will be thrust head-first into grief, like it or not. The Oxford Dictionary defines grief as deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.
The studies of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross have shown us that there are 5 phases that everyone going through this grief will undergo. This is natural and expected.
The 5 phases of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The process usually occurs in this order. We have learned about this in varying degrees with the loss of others who were close to us.
It just depends on how close you really were to them which determines just how intense it can be. That is the sad news.
The good news is that it can and will be worked through. You will come out stronger and more aware of so much more than before.
The 5 phases have been discussed before both here and from your own observations. Today I wish to touch on a part of grief that is a component of several of these phases.
This is the feeling of guilt. I do not, as a rule, feel guilty about anything. Not like I once did. Then, as soon as my wife, Carol passed, BONK upside the head! Big Time! “If only I’da…” “Why didn’t I…”
This, then, brought on the denial, anger, and depression named in the 5 phases. Once again, maybe not in that exact order, but all are included.
I have always been the protector, the guide, and the warrior with my family and close friends. And in the communities that I worked in as a copper. I put myself in that position and prided myself on doing just that.
Protecting or safeguarding “my girls” and of course my son and others who I tried placing under my protective wings. Most of the time I was successful.
For the last few years, I had moved deeper into this mode for Carol. She was going through some changes that I was not quite able to understand until after her transition.
When she passed, I felt like I had let her down big time. Then’s when the “Why didn’t I…” and “If only I’das…” popped up. I beat myself up for a while.
Then I remembered what I have been using and telling others about for years. Because of the grief, apparently, this was forgotten temporarily. I remembered the shortened version of the 3rd Step.
I simply said, “God, help me.” Not merely the words but also knowing that the only way that I would be able to survive this was to realize that I needed my Higher Power, God, and I needed Him big time.
By simply saying “God, help me,” I then got Him up close and personal. I felt the vibes of the Universe, God, pulsing through me and hung on with all that I had. This protector and warrior needed one for himself, too.
Then I remembered that I always had one. My Higher Power, who I choose to call God, has always been near just waiting for me to ask and trust the results. My “God, help me” contained all of that and more.
This was when the acceptance that I had been waiting for flowed in and covered me like a soft, warm blanket on a cold night. Do I still have times of sadness? You bet I do! But they are fewer and further between.
This furthered my feelings of happiness, joy, and freedom. Happy that I was able to make critical and proper decisions during her last days that needed to be made.
Tough, heart-wrenching decisions that were not always popular with some that were around me at the time. But they were absolutely the right decisions.
Joyous because I was able to make these decisions without being under the influence of any mind-altering substances. And all because I am Free from the craving for alcohol.
So, you see? You can be happy, joyous, and free during ANY kind of situation, as long as you CHOOSE not to drink or drug. For this, I say “Thank you, God!”
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