The 2nd Step of the remarkable AA Program says “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” I didn’t have any religious background when I came into AA. I didn’t even know about a God. I thought He was a bearded man sitting on a golden throne “up there in the sky somewhere” judging me in everything that I did. I thought that He was a vengeful God because I had heard many times throughout my life “God’s going to get you for that.” Or “God’s going to send you to Hell for that” and similar threats.
I never went any deeper thinking about it until I heard the 2nd Step, about a Power greater than myself. I truly knew that there was a Power “out there” that was greater than I. This was because neither I, nor anyone else, could make the sun rise and set at certain exact times every day for Millenia. No one could make the leaves change color fall and spring. No person could keep me breathing and have a pulse without my even thinking about it. I just wasn’t sure what It was.
I was advised that I could take this Power from anything that I chose. This could be the meetings, AA literature, others that I was meeting in AA or anything else. This would work just as long as I internalized it, made it a personal power, and didn’t look to the sky for it. This made it easier to swallow at first when thinking about a Higher Power. Today, I choose to call my Higher Power God.
One of Webster’s definitions of God is “a being or object that is worshipped as having more than natural attributes and powers.” Nothing is said about religious denominations or sects. All faiths have Something to believe in. Even an Atheist does not believe that we originated in a cipher. The other thing that I was hung up with was that, to restore me to sanity inferred that I had been insane. I had thought that I was just doing what everyone else was doing, so it was “normal.”. As I became more honest with myself, I began to realize that the things that I was doing were insane and that I had surrounded myself with others who were just like me so that I didn’t feel so out of place.
As honesty with myself slowly overcame me, I realized that I didn’t want to continue acting like this and that I could not change by myself. I had seen the change happening in others and was starting to feel changes in myself as I worked the Program to the best of my ability. I truly was ready to go to any lengths to feel better! So I copied what others who seemed successful in the program said and did.
Soon, I was not copying anymore. It seemed to be coming naturally from me. Being addictive, I wanted more of this because I was liking how I was feeling. When I asked my Higher Power for help and let it go, I kept feeling better and better. Wasn’t this just what I had wanted when I first sniffed around the Program? Well, I was realizing that I was really getting it, as long as I asked for help from my Higher Power. This Higher Power was the people at the AA meetings at first. What a concept! I had changed from one who NEVER asked for help for anything to one who asked for help repeatedly. I quickly started to see the beginnings of The Promises come true.
For maybe the first time in my life, I was beginning to see that I actually had choices. I was not choosing happiness and comfort with myself before and now was. AND GETTING IT!. Don’t be afraid of living. Be happy with the fact that you can now truly live and enjoy life. If you didn’t drink or drug today, you now have choices. Do you choose to be miserable or do you choose to be Happy, Joyous, and Free? The choice is yours and nobody else’s’. Choose wisely!