I always feel good when we have newer people attending our meetings. This allows us all to remember just where we were at one time in our venture into sobriety. We usually devote meetings with newcomers to the first 3 Steps.
At first, I was overwhelmed by all that I was seeing and hearing. I was thinking “This is too much. I will never be able to learn it all!” I probably don’t have to learn all of the steps, anyway. I’ll just work the ones that I want.” I was thinking with the same mindset that I had in my youth and active alcoholism. “All of this to memorize! Wow!” I was blessed to have sponsors that understood and slowed me down. They let me know that much thought and experience went into the development of the 12 Steps. They advised me strongly to take them one at a time starting with the 1st Step. They also impressed on me that I was to change my way of learning. Use my heart instead of my head. This was all new to me. I had done fairly well in school, cramming for exams and then forgetting most after the test was over. That was head learning.
Heart learning is FEELING the new information. Following intuition and “vibes” if working my program. Because, if I am working my program to the best of my ability, if it FEELS right, it IS right. Feelings and intuition are two ways that my Higher Power communicates with me. So, when I was told to try working the Steps one at a time starting with the first, it just felt right. So, here goes:
Step 1 states: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. This is a very simple program for very complicated folks. So, when beginning and also after being in the program for a while, do not forget that this is a very simple program. If a question arises, don’t look too deeply for an answer because it is quite open for us. I knew that my life had become unmanageable because everything around me was in chaos. I didn’t even like myself because of what I had become. If I don’t like me, I hate you. If I hate you, I hurt you. If I hurt you I feel guilty. If I feel guilty, I get remorse. What does an alcoholic do when he is remorseful? This one drinks and the merry-go-round continues. I wanted off but didn’t know what was causing it or how to get off.
I was introduced to the AA Program and saw and heard people who had been just like me who were now Happy, Joyous, and Free. I wanted that so much I could taste it. I was willing to do anything to get it, since suicide didn’t work for me. Soon, I saw that my use of alcohol was what was the cause of all this misery, either directly or indirectly. I not only admitted Step 1 but accepted it! OK, so what do I do now?
Enter Step 2. I didn’t know about a God or some similar but did acknowledge that there was an unseen Force of some sort. It controlled my heartbeat and breathing without my assistance. Also the seasons, birth, death, and similar. I just did not have a clue as to what It was. I saw that It was working for you and so decided that, if it was working for you, why not me? I knew that this Force or Power was doing for you and you told me that It would for me, too. If I allowed It to. I figured that everything else had failed so why not at least give It a try? How do I do this?
Now comes Step 3. It states: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. OK, so how do I do this? I can’t even see this Power. I was then advised that I did not see Gravity but I knew that this Power was in effect for me. The same for Electricity, wind, and we could add a long list to this. I was advised that I did not have to call It God or anything that I didn’t feel comfortable with. I also was advised that It was not a Power in human male form sitting on a golden throne “up there somewhere” judging and punishing like a medieval tyrant.
This Power was inside you and me and only looking out for our best interests. OK, I thought that I would try It. I said “Please help me.” This time, for maybe the 1st time, I didn’t bargain with Him by saying “If you get me out of this, I will never do it again” and then doing it again, over and over. I just asked for His help and turned it over. I was amazed to start getting immediate positive results.
It was not long before I realized that I had gone for a short time without even thinking about a drink or wanting to hurt someone. It was working and I was feeling better about myself and this led to feeling good about others for maybe the very 1st time. There was nothing complicated about anything that I was doing. It was all simple and to the point. This surely was not the Power or God that I had grown up with.
So, now to answer the poser from the Topic. Don’t try to memorize the Steps. Simply take them IN ORDER and work them to the best of your ability. Don’t try for perfection. Just your best. That takes a lot of pressure off. When you get to not only admitting but also accepting Step 1, then move to Step 2. When it works for you go to Step 3 and continue on through the Steps in this manner. From here, continue working your way through ALL of the 12 Steps, one Step at a time. There is no rush or time limit. Do not pick and choose which ones to work or not. Do not try to complicate the simple process. Just work it to the best of your ability, and strive to do the next right thing. Then, if it FEELS right, it IS right! God bless you!
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