I had a reminder recently of all that I have gratitude for. I was reminded that, since I have joined AA and began working the Program to the best of my ability, I now have choices. Looking back, I don’t think that I had choices before the Program showed me that there was a better way. That is the way of sobriety.
SOBRIETY is a lot more than just not picking up that drink or drug. Sobriety is feeling truly Happy, Joyous, and Free almost every moment of my life since I was introduced to this amazing program. When I first entered, I heard How it Works read before almost every AA meeting attended. The 2nd paragraph jumped out and grabbed me by the throat. Almost from the very first time that I heard it. It says “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then COD.” Come on Down! I wanted what I was seeing and hearing from the other members of AA regularly. I wanted it badly! I knew that I was willing to go to any lengths to get it, whatever these lengths consisted of.
I was raised in the streets where it would cost me whatever I had in my pockets to just come down off of my porch. If I told Recob that I had a dime, he told me it would cost a dime to come down. Sometimes I said a nickel. Then gave him a nickel and continued on up to the corner store. Then bought an ice cream cone with a hidden nickel. I would take a thumping when I came out. And my cone would probably end up in the street. My mother could never understand why I was elated when Recob was killed in a motorcycle crash.
Fear dogged me and I learned that alcohol would numb the fearful feelings for a short time. I then dove head first into drinking, even though I blacked out most times that I drank. I didn’t drink for the taste. I drank for the effect.
I am grateful for the many different types of friends while growing up. Some were just like me. But many just waiting until they got older to go to prison. My first job when I got out of the Army was as a bouncer at a red neck joint in Muskegon. I supplemented it with foundry work in the daytime. This is when I met my first wife, who I went through not a 16 year marriage but a 16 year divorce waiting to happen. We were both practicing alcoholics.
All of this is to say that I have never been out of place with almost anyone. No matter who they were or what they did. For this, new reasons to have gratitude arise regularly. Recently, while working at the St. Andrews Soup Kitchen in the notorious East side of Flint, I heard that we lost another regular patron of our services. She was not a so-called “nice” person. She was a person who made her living, or I probably should say existence, by turning tricks. She was a street walker on the streets of East Side Flint. She was a drug addict who finally robbed her dealer and was paid back, along with another, with a severe beating. Word is that one died and the other was close to death. Was she one who I would invite over for dinner? No, but she was someone’s daughter or sister. She was someone who showed her gratitude for a quick meal, warmth, safety, and love. Then she would be gone. Back out to the streets so that she could pay her dope man.
I hear these stories with too much regularity and the 1st thought is “Thank you God for guiding me to and keeping me on track with Alcoholics Anonymous. There for your grace go I!” There was someone who attended our meetings here on Zoom for a while who told someone that I was really intense. I plead guilty as charged. I learned a long time ago that I can’t take myself seriously and I don’t. I do take my AA Program as serious as a heart attack, though! Why? “There but for the grace of God go I!” Sorry for the rant but I had to get it out and thank God that you are here.
How do we best utilize our gratitude? We give it away! Gratitude is just like love and sobriety. We can do this simply with a “Thank you” or a smile. Or we can be more expansive. The details of how are irrelevant. JUST DO IT! We can not keep it unless we do give it away. Don’t be afraid of living. Be happy with the fact that you can now truly live and enjoy life. If you didn’t drink or drug today, you now have choices, maybe for the first time. Do you choose to be sad and miserable or do you choose to be Happy, Joyous, and Free? The choice is yours and nobody else’s’. Choose wisely! God bless you!
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