Step 1 says “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.” Webster defines Admit as “ to concede as true or valid.” Being new to the program, I didn’t have a clue as to what I was getting myself into. I did not know if I believed that others would really be able to understand me. All that I knew was that something was horribly wrong! I didn’t have a clue about being Happy, Joyous, or Free, let alone how Spirituality even entered the picture.
Every time I drank, I did not get into trouble. But every time I got into trouble, there was drinking involved somehow. I knew in my heart of hearts that I had lost control of my life and everything around me. After listening to others who had been in the program for a while, I realized that there was a definite disconnect between me and my environment whenever I drank. Listening to and watching others in the program showed me beyond a doubt that I was having a problem with alcohol. I didn’t drink to be social. I drank for the effect that it had on me.
At the start of every meeting that I attended, How it Works was read. I picked up right away on the 2nd paragraph where it said “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then COD”(come on down). I was at my absolute bottom with nothing good that I could imagine ever happening to me. I quickly decided that I was ready to go to ANY lengths to get it.
The 1st Step had real personal meaning for me and so it opened the door to my mind slightly to this new way of life. You folks were showing me, in addition to telling me about it. “OK, I now know that I have a problem with alcohol and you may have some answers so now what do I do?” I learned that my thinking was not new to the others at the meetings.
When I had been in the program only a few weeks, I thought that I had a “unique” event coming up and didn’t know what to do so I asked the groups. I had been a witness in a criminal trial in another state a few months before entering the program. When we were there, we drank and played the fool every night for the week of the trial. I was there with a hard drinking, hard fighting, hard everything crew. It ended in a mistrial.
I was now being recalled to return for a retrial with my same crew and didn’t know how I was going to handle the experience. 1st, the AAs thanked me for asking, telling me that they had had similar feelings and experiences at weddings and other activities that involved heavy drinking when they were new and this was a way that I was helping them. My help was by reminding them of what awaited them if they went back out.
I was advised that whenever I was going to be needed at a function or activity such as this, to make it as brief as possible. Go there, park where I could get out easily and early, give my congratulations or condolences and leave. Attend AA meetings before the function to remind myself that I was an alcoholic and should NEVER forget this FACT. Attend the function, get in and get out. Always have an exit plan. If out of town, learn when and where the AA meetings are in the area and attend them while there, telling the new meetings that you are new to the program and out of your element here and that you would like to get some telephone numbers.
Your number of people that you can become real friends with grows exponentially and geographically. Please don’t try to complicate a simple, but not always easy, program.
One of the best pieces of advice that I received upon entering the Program was to ask a lot of questions. Whenever I had a problem with or a question about the program, ask about it at a meeting. My hand was always up! To this day, if I don’t understand something, I will ask. Whatever you do, do not stop doing what you think is right. If you wish to know if something is right, just ask. Then think it over, because all advice is not necessarily good advice. Don’t be afraid of living. Be happy with the fact that you can now truly live and enjoy life. If you didn’t drink or drug today, you now have choices. Do you choose to be miserable or do you choose to be Happy, Joyous, and Free? The choice is yours and nobody else’s’. Choose wisely!