Hope was not part of my vocabulary when I came into this amazing program of AA. My intro was when my 1st wife was being 12th Stepped, or introduced to the program, at our kitchen table in NW Detroit. I had downed a considerable amount of beer and wine (because I was trying to cut back on my alcohol of course) and so was quite mellow as I sat there with them. We had been having a 16 year divorce just waiting to happen at this time because we were both practicing alcoholics. Of course, we didn’t know this at the time as we fought and stumbled through our lives.
We had a son from her previous marriage and later a daughter of ours. We lost a couple of babies to miscarriage and one lived only an hour or so. At the time, I was a Detroit copper who was being transferred all over the City of Detroit. I had thought that it was because so many others had heard about me and wanted to work with me but later accepted the fact that they were disciplinary transfers.
As the AAs were leaving that morning they invited my wife to an AA meeting nearby that night. They said “Try going to 90 meetings in 90 days and, if you don’t like the results, we will gladly refund your misery.” She tried it and never returned. She died painfully alone of cirrhosis of the liver a few years later. But for me, for some reason, I didn’t drink any more after they left. I told her that I would help her and go to the meeting with her so that she would not have to be alone.
That day in 1976 was my last drink. I discovered a new way of life, not just a “recovery program.” I embraced it and, although being agnostic when entering, I knew that my life was unmanageable. I also knew that drinking was not working for me. Then, I came to believe that there is a Power greater than I and It wants to help me. This took me through the first two steps. I gladly, finally, turned my will and my life over to this Higher Power, who I now call God, and this was Step 3.
As is said, the rest is history. I was changed from a 36 year old very angry, violent, large, well armed and trained man to the Happy, Joyous, and Free man that I am today. I really did not know how I could ever ride my motorcycle, bowl, dance, or any number of other things without drinking. I discovered many new friends in the Program who did all of these things and more and did not drink. Whodathunk it?
Does this mean that bad things don’t happen any more? Of course not. Bad things happen because I am in the Human Experience leg of my Eternal life. People around me get ill, injured, make their transition, and a whole host of other things. My human body ages and aches and pains me sometimes and gives me cancerous growths but my spirit and mind are ageless. How, you may ask? By using these Spiritual tools that we are learning in AA. The one that I use the most is the shortened version of the 3rd Step. Simply, God Help Me! And he does!