Hope was not part of my original vocabulary. Especially when I came into this amazing program of AA. I would laugh. BUT it was probably at the expense of someone else. My intro was when my 1st wife was being 12th Stepped. She was introduced to the program at our kitchen table in NW Detroit. I had downed a considerable amount of Dago Red. Hence, was quite mellow. So I sat there with them. We had been having a 16 year divorce just waiting to happen at this time. Why? Because we were both practicing alcoholics. Of course, we didn’t know this at the time. We had fought and stumbled all through our lives.
We had a son from her previous marriage. Later a daughter of ours. We lost a couple of babies to miscarriage. Also, one lived only an hour or so. At the time, I was a Detroit copper. I was being transferred all over the City of Detroit. Thinking that it was because so many others had heard about me and wanted to work with me. I later accepted the fact that they were disciplinary transfers. I was a legend in my own mind. Nothing for me to laugh about.
As the AAs were leaving that morning they invited my wife to an AA meeting nearby. It was that night. They said “Try going to 90 meetings in 90 days. If you don’t like the results, we will gladly refund your misery.” She tried it and never returned. She transitioned painfully alone of cirrhosis of the liver a few years later. No longer were our escapades a laughing matter. But for me, for some reason, I didn’t drink any more after they left. I told her that I would help her I would go to the meeting with her so that she would not have to be alone. That day in 1976 was my last drink.
I had discovered a whole new way of life. Not just a “recovery program.” I embraced it! And, although being agnostic when entering, came to believe that there is a Power greater than I. And It wants to help me. This took me through the first two steps of this amazing 12 Step Program. I gladly, finally, turned my will and my life over to this Higher Power. I now choose to call It God, and this was Step 3.
As is said, the rest is history. I was changed away from a 36 year old very angry, violent, large, well armed and trained man. Changed to the Happy, Joyous, and Free man that I am today. Even my sense of humor has changed. Example: I used to laugh AT people. Now I laugh WITH people. Huge change.
Does this mean that bad things don’t happen any more? Of course not. Bad things happen because I am in the Human Experience leg of my Eternal life. People around me get ill. Are injured. Make their transition. And a whole host of other things. My human body ages. It has aches and pains sometimes. I have had cancerous growths in several parts of my body. But my spirit and mind are ageless. How, you may ask? By using these Spiritual tools. The ones that we are learning in AA. The one that is used the most is the shortened version of the 3rd Step. I simply say, “God Help Me!” Then I just let Him. I move on trying to do the next right thing. And He does! I have all the help that I need! Oh, yes. For this, I say “Thank you, God!”
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