“I’m sorry!” “I am sorry!” “I’m sorry, and I will never do that again!” When in the madness, how many times did you say this? And REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME? It was usually said with attitude. Probably to the very same people that you are getting ready to make amends to now? How many times did they hear it and just KNOW that you would really do it all again? Probably thinking “Oh, oh. I wonder what they are going to do now?” “I’m sorry” was a regular stated mantra. Regularly stated but rarely believed.
Nowhere in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous does it state in the amends portion of the Steps that we say “I’m sorry!” Webster’s Dictionary defines making amends as “to do something to correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation that one has caused.” How do we “correct a mistake” as described above? We may very well apologize. Then one must “correct a mistake or bad situation.” This is done by actually changing the behavior and attitude that caused the problem in the first place.
As with any change that is being considered, start with the shortened version of the 3rd Step. Simply say “God help me!” Then, lead off with something similar to stating that you know that you did wrong to them. Ask what they think you could do to make it right. Further, explain that you are not the same person you were then. You are willing to consider their recommendations. Then, not only tell them that you are different, but show them that you do not have this same attitude or behavior. This may take time. The BIG difference, this time, is that as time goes on, you are continually living your words. We used to call these attempts of saying “I’m sorry” empty promises. In the streets we called it “All yack and no shack!”
Will everyone accept these attempts at amending the situation happily? No! But the beauty of it all is that you have cleaned off your own side of the street. No longer do you have the wicked thoughts of past actions rattling around in your mind. Remember, we are only as sick as our secrets and you have done your best to identify your secrets with your inventory Steps. And now are doing your best to amend the situations. If they do not want to listen or accept your amends, this is no longer your problem It is THEIRS!
This brings to mind the saying “Change your thinking, change your life!” This is so true. When you change your thinking, your actions follow right along. Not only will you feel much better about yourself and others, many others will also feel better about you. God bless you!
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