for the very first time ever!
With no religious or spiritual background upon coming into the program of AA, I didn’t think much of or about praying. My prayers were limited to “God get me out of this and I will never do it again.”
And then He would get me out of it and I would chump Him or He wouldn’t and I would believe that He had chumped me. My sponsors insisted that I give this new to me idea of spirituality a chance. I didn’t know how, so they told me to fake it ‘til I made it.
I was very unsure, but I also was hurting physically and emotionally. I just wanted it all to stop. I saw the people at meetings smokin’ and jokin’ but not tokin’ about what I considered horrible things that they had done.
I thought that if they had my problems they would either drink or be miserable too. They seemed to be actually happy, joyous, and genuinely free. I wanted that so badly that I could almost taste it.
Since I wanted that, I paid close attention to the second paragraph of How it Works where it says that if I wanted what they had then I should be willing to go to any lengths to get it.
I told my sponsors that I had no faith in religion helping me and was advised quickly that this was not a religious program. They called it a spiritual program.
My next thought was that they were only playing with words by switching religion and spirituality around. They then advised me that religions were all man-made and interpreted by men.
On the other hand, they said that spirituality was Divinely inspired. When asked what the difference was, they said that religion was taught and learned just like studying for an exam in school. Crammed into the head before a test.
What happened to this knowledge that was crammed into my head before taking an exam? As soon as the test was over, the newly learned knowledge disappeared.
When divinely inspired, the knowledge is felt in the heart and gut, not just in the head. To me, this means that it sticks around for a while and is used to better my life. A few examples like this and it is remembered.
I was of the mind that anything was better than my life at that time so I was willing to go to any lengths to get what they were showing me. It didn’t take long and I soon was not faking it as much and feeling much better.
The strong craving for a drink left rather quickly. I was feeling much better about myself which led to feeling better about others. This was the beginning of feeling genuinely happy, joyous, and free.
Happy that I could make decisions that were proper at the time. The right answer seemed to come and it was not while under the influence of any mind-altering drug such as alcohol. They were now divinely inspired.
Joyous because I was no longer sick and tired of being sick and tired and no longer was using a mind-altering substance just to get through situations.
Freedom came from the happiness and joy that being rid of all mind-altering substances brought about.
Since you no longer are under the influence of alcohol and drugs, you now have choices, maybe for the first time in your life. So, what do you choose? The choice is yours! Choose wisely! Thank you, God!
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