Just as we are not responsible for our first thought, only what we do about it, we are not responsible for the initial feeling of the blues that sometimes come over us. In the mentioned scenarios, we are responsible for our reaction to the first thought that came to us and we are responsible for what we do when that bluesy feeling first comes over us.
For this alcoholic, the poor me’s rapidly turn into pour me’s. What does this mean for this alcoholic? It means I am down again to the lowest portion of the Jellinek Chart at death, insanity, or recovery. It’s as simple as that! I don’t recall ever doing something halfway. I am feeling down so how do I think my way out of it safely? I do not ponder it and think and say “I’ll get over it” because, if I do, I will continue thinking about it and what does thinking lead to? For this alcoholic, it leads to action. What action did I always take whenever I felt too good, bad, sick, well, down, up? I DRANK! What did I do when I drank, I hurt someone. What did I do when I hurt someone? I felt guilty. What did I do when I felt guilty? I felt remorse. What did I do when I felt remorse? I DRANK!
And so the merry-go-round goes on and on. How deeply did I feel my program before I started feeling this low again? There, I said FEEL my program, not think about my program. If I deeply felt my program, I honestly worked the 3rd Step and turned my will and my life over to my God and went on with my life. If I only performed lip service, I thought that I would try to turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power and, you know, “reality” tells me that this may only be a myth so why not cover all my bases and put my willpower to use. Willpower does not work because this means that there are two opposite forces fighting for attention. Whenever there are repeated matches between any two forces, there is going to be a swap of winners. I want you to know what has worked for me for a very long time now EACH AND EVERY TIME I have called for help.
First, how do I call for help? I have said before that this is a very simple program for very complicated folks so I simply say the shortened version of the 3rd Step, “God Help Me,” and move on with my life. Yes, with my life for I have a life now. After going through the learning process of the first part of in AA, I definitely know that there is life for me “out there!” As long as I practice the principles that I have learned in AA IN ALL MY AFFAIRS, I don’t have the need to do anything or feel anything that I do not wish to do or feel. I have gone through most, if not all, of the super great and super low times that one could go through. I have suffered significant losses. I have made it well through cancer treatments and surgeries, both to me and my wife, and others in my family. By making it well through does not mean that I have giggled my way through, it means that as long as I entered each and every venture by saying “God Help Me,” He has and the sun still rises in the East and sets in the West, the leaves still change colors in the fall, babies continue to be born, and life goes on and on.
If I didn’t have this remarkable program and the Spirituality that it has introduced me to, none of these things would be able to be seen by me because I would have been LG, long gone by now. There is much more to life than seemed to exist before my introduction to AA and also, once into truly working my program 24/7/365, much more than my even going to AA meetings. There are so many things, mostly good things, that I should and do pay attention to and am able to because of AA. I can get out of not looking past the end of my nose and seeing that there are others who could use my help. When I do, my life expands exponentially.
I am saying this so that you all know that, wherever you are in your program right now, if you continue to work your program, to the best of your ability, 24/7/365 and not just at meetings or church, your life will do nothing but continue to get better. I am so grateful to have discovered this and to be able to deeply and totally love my life now. I have people who actually love me and show it. This is a far cry from the times when people either feared me or just avoided me. If you want it, you have it within your grasp. Just look at your Gratitude List and maybe add one or two to it. Just Take It and enjoy! God Bless You all!