When I first came into AA and heard about God’s will and my will, I didn’t have a clue as to what it really meant. I had been taught and thought that I knew all about willpower and guts being the way to get anything done. I probably had heard about God’s will for me but it all had gone right over my head. I had a conscience where I thought that I knew right from wrong but never thought about it either.
Then I began hearing about Spirituality, not just religion, and saw that, whatever it was, it seemed to be working very well with you folks. This is probably where I first heard that I should pay attention to God’s will and not my will. As I looked deeper into what Spirituality really was, I liked what I was seeing and hearing. I saw it in your changing attitudes for the better toward me and heard it in your explanations of how you were working your program.
I have turned my life into one of constantly striving to learn more about my Spirituality. I have learned that I have a different kind of conscience than I had when in the madness. I really know and FEEL what is right and what is wrong. What is right for me is doing God’s will for me. What I do wrong for me is when I do not do God’s will. Simple as that. Not always easy, but simple. What slowed me down was my wondering what God’s will was for me. I didn’t want to turn into a funless slug.
It took a while but I discovered that I should not go out looking for God’s will. Just do what I think is right and I will know instantly if it is right or wrong. When I first get a thought, if I feel comfortable with it it is God’s will. If I feel apprehensive at all, I should pause and decide if I really should do whatever I was thinking of. This is a great example of the Power of the Mind. Whatever we wish to call our Higher Power, it created us so how do I know if this Power is speaking to me? The universe is made up of vibrations. We know this because of Physics. So, if I feel good about a thought, it is God communicating with me that it is all right. If I feel apprehensive, it is God communicating with me that maybe I should rethink the situation.
Have you ever noticed getting vibrations from people – good feeling ones when the thoughts are happy thoughts and apprehensive ones when the thoughts are questionable? These vibes can come as a shiver, shudder, a warm or chilly feeling coming over us. They may be strong or mild but, whichever, they are real. Did you ever hear someone say something, maybe something thought-provoking, and get that shudder? Pay attention to the vibes and try to figure out just what they mean.
This is an interesting way to discover just what our Higher Power is telling us. In Step 11, it tells us “Sought through prayer and meditation…” and I never knew what meditation was. I still do not do formal meditation but do observe what is going on around me and pay real attention to this in the now. Now, I believe that my thoughts and wishes are in keeping with the knowledge of God’s will for me so I pray that Our will be done, not my will. For it to be Our will merely means that my wishes and will are in sync with God’s will. This is my meditation. If it feels right, it probably is right. If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong. How much simpler can it get? And a great bonus is that it really does become easier, too!