and it’s not that hard at all!
Step 4 says “Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves.”
Searching and fearless are words that a fragile newcomer to AA shies away from at first. It is not all that difficult. Remember that we have talked about this being a simple program but not always easy.
An old slogan from AA is KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid! Don’t enter into the 4th Step with dread and despair, no matter what your past includes. What you have done is over and done with so do not relive it ever again.
Remembering and reliving are two entirely different ideas, too. When an old action is remembered, it was done in the yesterdays of your life, and reliving it means that it is now in the today of your mind.
I was talking with a good friend recently and we were discussing what it takes to make a happy, comfortable AA member. We agreed that time in the program was important but not an end-all — be-all.
We have all seen members with decades of time in the program who are not really happy. They are quick to criticize under the guise of “only trying to help.”
And often, this “help” is reminding all who would listen that they have X number of years in the program and have studied it for years. Therefore they will tell you how to work your own program correctly.
If they are not truly comfortable with their own lives, they will regularly bring up their drinking “past” and how “In those days I would have …” you know, fill in the blanks. “And,look at me now!”
When I am working on my program and practicing these principles in ALL of my affairs, I don’t have the time or room in my head to be going into all I used to do. I only have the time and room in my mind to live in the now.
The 4th Step is a great place to rid myself of my “stinking thinking” by reviewing my life and doing more generalization than mourning or fearing specific instances.
I can find nowhere in any of the AA literature or the minds of truly happy, joyous, and free recovering alcoholics anything saying to list each and every incident where a wrong was committed.
It does say “The exact nature of our wrongs.” “I was a thief,” covers a lot of ground. “I was an immoral, hateful person” covers a lot more. As soon as we start doing this, we get into a flow that brings up and then starts to release our thoughts and feelings.
“We are only as sick as our secrets” pretty much covers it all. All of these things that I was carrying around in my head, both consciously and unconsciously, are a tremendous weight to carry.
“If others knew this about me, they would hate me.” Now that you have thought of them, some coming out of hiding after maybe years, write them down. You are now starting the process of shining a light on your secrets.
After I finally wrote mine down, I could hardly wait to do the next step so that I could get rid of them. I was reminded by people in the program who had only my best interests in their minds that I was no longer that person.
I was a different person and therefore could feel much better about myself. I also worked under the false feeling that I had to do everything perfectly or not at all. Working the program 24/7/365 reminds me that doing things perfectly was a myth.
How many perfect things did I ever do, both before and after the program? This released a lot more pressure that had been on me. I found that if I just tried to work the program to the best of my ability, I could actually be Happy, Joyous, and Free.
I heartily suggest working your program 24/7/365 to the best of your ability in ALL of your affairs and see what happens. Just try not to pick and choose what parts of your old life you want to take back, not even for a hot minute.
Don’t be afraid of living. Be happy with the fact that you can now truly live and enjoy life. If you didn’t drink or drug today, you now have choices. Do you choose to be miserable or do you choose to be Happy, Joyous, and Free? The choice is yours and nobody else’s. Choose wisely!
Thank you, God!
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