Can I ever be truly happy? This is a question that I hear from people both new to the program and some who have been around for decades. Newcomers have been struggling for various amounts of time to just feel somewhat good, not even truly happy. Feeling that all is lost and that I will never know joy again adds to the feelings of dread and depression that came over us all. The seemingly endless litany of problems finally led me to surrender to the thought that life was not going to get any better, in fact, it seemed to get worse by the day.
When I finally realized that, since I had taken the 1st Step and knew that I was powerless over alcohol and that now it was a thinking problem, I should change my thinking if I ever wanted to get better. Is it even possible to change thinking that had taken 36 years to form? How do I change the thinking that had been being worked on for X number of weeks, months, years in the program only to lead me to returned downswings in my moods and thoughts? The best answer I ever got for this and other problems that I took to my original sponsors was to figure out where I was not working the program properly.
I believed that this was merely an oversimplification of things, at first, until discovering that, when I went through the 12 Steps, I ALWAYS came to a halt at the 3rd Step. I was turning my will and my life over to the God of my understanding and doing quite well but then, when things began to sour and I was no longer happy, I discovered that I was taking back part of what I had surrendered to God. I would think, at the time, that it was a small thing or that it didn’t really matter because no one else was hurt or even knew. But looking again at Step 3 I saw that I turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power and NOWHERE DOES IT SAY TO TAKE EVEN THE SMALLEST GRAIN BACK! I may argue with myself saying that the thing that I took back was taught to me in school or college and so therefore couldn’t be that bad. Look at all that had been invested in education and higher learning. Was it all a waste of time, effort, money? No, it was not a waste of any of it. We needed it so that we could be at the place we are today – ready, able, and willing to go to any lengths to get sobriety and all of its rewards. The biggest reward might just be that for maybe the first time in my life I became Happy, Joyous, and Free – Happy that I am alive, well, and awake without the need for a mind-altering substance in my system. Joyous that, because I chose not to drink or drug today, I can choose anything and everything I think or do. This is all possible because I am Free of drugs and/or alcohol. Try it! You just might like it!
We are born into this human form as one part of our Spiritual Being and existence. While in this form, this is how I discovered that I can be truly Happy, Joyous, and Free. You can be too, if you only choose to be and ask God for help. He will not deny you!