unless you really want to gamble with your life.
When I was in the madness of active alcoholism, there was nothing that I couldn’t do. You name it and I told you I had done it, whether or not I really had.
What I did not tell you, in many cases, were the results of my efforts. I really was pretty good at what I did but that would be before I lubricated the issue with alcohol. “Oh, a couple of beers will only help make it better.”
Only, afterward, I would have had to be driven home, not remembering a thing about what happened. Or why I woke up on the front lawn in my own puke
If you were the one who drove me home, I may have soiled your seats. Or your dash area with upchuck. Yet, the next night when I came to work, I was happy because I loved my job and wondered why you were shying away from me.
I believed that I was so good and popular that everyone wanted to work with me and learn how to handle the job properly. This idea was reinforced by my being transferred around the City of Detroit.
Of course, when I left the madness, I discovered that the transfers were disciplinary, not rewards.
This all reminds me of my favorite definition of an alcoholic. If you can’t guarantee your actions after taking the first drink, you just might be an alcoholic.
I couldn’t guarantee my actions after taking the first drink! I would be on my way home and call and tell my family that I was stopping for “a drink” and would be home in an hour.
This was the truth as I knew it at the time. I had no intentions other than having one drink and then going home. I would have the drink and maybe go home.
I would have the drink and then a few more and close the bar and then go home. I may have the drink, close the bar, and then go to a “blind pig” and then break out in spots. Spots like Cleveland, Chicago, or Windsor.
All after telling the truth about stopping for one and then blowing it again. As you can see, I couldn’t guarantee my thoughts and actions after taking that first drink.
SO, WHAT EFFECT WOULD TAKING A DRINK NOW DO TO OR FOR ME?
Recently I had the experience of being with my wife during the last days of her human experience. I was blessed to be with her day and night for her last several weeks on earth.
What would have happened if I had said “Baby, I’ve gotta stop by the house and pick up a few things and I’ll be right back.” This would be the truth as I knew it at the time.
So, I stopped home, only with a fresh bottle that I had gotten on the way. “Just one, to take the edge off.” I truly do not know, but as fearless as I am, I did not take that chance, because of my history.
No, I couldn’t and didn’t even think of taking that chance. For this, I was happy, joyous, and free. HAPPY because I was able to make serious decisions without being under the influence of a mind-altering drug.
JOYOUS because I didn’t have the need or desire for a drink.
FREE because I am not relying on any mind-altering drug for assistance with anything.
I was surrounded by family and friends before, during, and after these decisions had to be made and was, and still am, able to look them in the eye and not have any regrets at all about my choices.
The only thing that I can add to this is Thank you, God!
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