so how did I get rid of this garbage so I could get some sleep?
When new to the AA Program, I stopped drinking and thought that this was all that the program was about. Stopping drinking.
It didn’t take long to realize that there was more, much more, to the program.
Of the 12 Steps of Recovery in the AA Program, only the first half of the 1st Step says anything at all about alcohol. All of the rest deal with our thinking.
Iwas full of dread and remorse because of many of the things that I did when I was in the madness. 😞
It’s no wonder why so many newcomers to the program are filled with fear when they come to the inventory. “I don’t drink anymore so I don’t need to go back into my past.”
When I was new in the program, many of the meetings would be step meetings. Each table would have a placard with a number on it.
The number would be the step that would be discussed at that table for that meeting.
Inmany cases, the table with the 4th Step would be empty, unless the chairman would assign some people to sit there and discuss the inventory.
Many times, when discussing the inventory, members who were considered “old timers” would talk to newcomers and tell them about how scary this step was but that they should do it “anyway.”
More often than not, these “old-timers” had not done a proper 4th Step themselves either.
Why is this the case? The answer is FEAR. When the Big Book discusses the inventory, it places the word “Fear” after every character defect. This tells us that fear is the root of every one of our problems.
Itis no wonder that a newcomer has a dread of working the inventory portion and usually has elaborate excuses to justify why they don’t do it.
“After all, X has never done one and they have been in the program for 40 years.” That’s it right there. They have not been “in the program” they have stopped drinking, memorized the Big Book, and call this sobriety.
Sobriety is so much more than merely stopping drinking. As important as stopping drinking is, it is just the beginning. The person who has only stopped drinking is not happy, joyous, and free.
More often than not, they are SAM, Sober And Miserable.
They may be able to quote the Big Book and other AA literature verbatim but they are usually quick to criticize others under the guise of “just trying to help.”
They may display a quick temper and tell others how to best work their programs. They skip over the part that says that this is a program of attraction, not promotion.
HOW I CLEANED UP MY LANDFILL OF A MIND AND BECAME HAPPY, JOYOUS, AND FREE
Some of the best advice I got when new to AA was “Fake it ‘till you make it.” I tried everything that I could think of to get rid of my insane thinking. So I grabbed onto my sponsors and, if they said something, I said it.
If they did something, I did it. Soon, I wasn’t copying them anymore. It seemed to be coming out of me as the original.
Isaw the truth of the 2nd Step which said “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” To do this, I had to discover what was causing the stinking thinking and get rid of it.
I discovered that the way to do this was to work on Steps 4 and 5.
Step 4 states “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” The Big Book lets us know just how to do this. It is not brain surgery. And it can be short, yet cover it all.
I stole, swore, fought, lied, and made an obnoxious ass of myself. This pretty much covered all that I could think of at the time. So, I wrote it down so that I could see it.
Step 5 states “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” We are only as sick as our secrets.
Mymental landfill was now out in the open and secret no longer. Since my secrets were now aired, they no longer stunk up my thoughts. A problem shared is one cut in half.
Now, what do I do when I either say or do something that harms someone else? This is where Step 10 enters the picture.
Step 10 states “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
I take care of it immediately instead of carrying the shame and hurt around with me festering.
There may be things remembered later that occurred when in the madness so what do I do with this? Step 10 tells us exactly what to do. Take care of it immediately.
When this is done, the mind is no longer a festering mental landfill. This takes the stinking thinking away from us making us happy, joyous, and free.
And isn’t this just what we were looking for? Previously by drinking and now by working this simple program for complicated folks. Thank you, God!
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