and in fact, many do!
How many times did you say that you wanted nothing to do with AA because it makes you go deep into your past and you are through with that? It’s over and you want to keep it that way!
And, at the same time, plotting your suicide? As a Detroit Cop at the time, I would try to be the first through the door on gun and disturbance runs. Hoping to be killed by someone from the other side of the door.
Then, instead of being killed, I was given medals and citations, which I considered a poor substitute at the time. Instead of getting a hero’s funeral, I would get something to pin on my chest or another certificate to throw into a box.
Back in the late 1960s and early 1970s, there was an average of three coppers a year being killed on duty in Detroit. I would attend their funerals and cry, not for the slain cop, but for me because it wasn’t me.
Yet, I wanted nothing to do with AA or anything like it because they would want me to tell my real thoughts and thinking. And, I was not ready for that. “That’s my own business and nobody else’.”
Then, I would sit on the edge of my bed with my .357 revolver in my mouth and not have what it took to pull the trigger. To this day, I remember exactly what gun oil tastes like, just like I know how a skunk smells.
I think about these things again today because my wife, Carol, recently transitioned from her human experience back into her eternal existence.
If I had succeeded in any of my suicide attempts, I would never have met and married the kindest and forever-giving person that I have ever met. We enjoyed 42+ years of marriage where we joined two families and made them into one so full of love.
One man’s failure is another man’s victory! In this case, failing to commit suicide led to having a life so good that money couldn’t buy and a thief could not steal.
TO WHAT DO I OWE WHAT I HAVE TODAY?
The main thing that I owe for what I have today is my sobriety. And, how did I obtain true sobriety for 46+ years when all else had failed? Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
Why AA? Because it was in AA that I was introduced to Spirituality and a reunion with my Higher Power, who I choose to call God! I call it a reunion because God never left me, I left Him!
AA has a 12 Step Program for recovery from alcoholism. As important as stopping drinking is for an alcoholic, of even more importance is our thinking.
Only the first half of the first step even mentions alcohol. All of the rest deal with our thinking. Change your thinking, change your life! I needed to change my life so I began by changing my thinking.
I now know that I have a Higher Power in my life. When confronted with a challenge, I simply say “God, help me,” and then let Him. Simple as that and extremely effective. Thank you, God!
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