They didn’t even seem to care about our newfound “stopping drinking again” phase
When many of us came into the AA program we were dumbfounded when faced with people we were close to. They didn’t even seem to care about our newfound “stopping drinking again” phase.
The quitting that we were going through. (Again?) Who cares? It may have hurt a little or a lot. Either way, some. But “don’t they realize what I am going through to make it nicer for them and all?”
Some were indifferent and some were downright hostile. After all, hadn’t we been their drinking companions for a long time? Hadn’t we humored and honored them with our presence seemingly forever?
I heard early on, when I first came into the program, that, in order for this to work, we MUST do it for ourselves. Not for anyone else. I soon discovered that I can not do anything for another until I get myself somewhat straight.
I had trained the people around me how to act and react around me. Now I was throwing sobriety into their laps. How many times before had I said “I’m sorry?” And “I’ll never do it again?”
Then I not only did it again but with even more force and venom. My first wife and I met when I was a bouncer in a red-neck joint and she was an attractive waitress not far from my bar.
Our first attraction was because I used to throw her ex-husband out of my bar. After I learned that they were exes, maybe happily injuring him a bit in the process.
From this mutual attraction, the relationship grew into the 4 letter “L’” word, lust. We were both practicing alcoholics but didn’t realize it at the time.
So, my first marriage was a 16-year divorce waiting to happen and not a real marriage. When I would come home from work, she would be passed out at the kitchen table slumped over one of my pistols.
She was hoping to shoot me when I came in. I would tell others at work about it and they would laugh. Who cares? Not the people that I was surrounded with. Then I discovered AA.
The more that I attended AA and tried to work the AA Program, the more she hated me. My coworkers had problems of their own so they didn’t seem to care that I was sobering.
They had heard it all before from me, too, and didn’t really care about me anyway. Have you ever seen someone and asked “How are you” and gotten a long tale about their ailments, aches, and pains.
So, you wished you hadn’t even asked? Most people are not really concerned about your aches, pains, ailments, or complaints. I often cried to myself “Who cares?” and felt so alone.
The difference in what we are thinking and what many others, including others in the program for various lengths of time, are thinking is probably quite different.
You may be thinking that you are really working your program to the best of your ability and they are not. When early in the program, we are still probably very much in the judgmental stage.
The answer to this poser is really quite simple! Discover who you are working your program for and, if you are working it for yourself, go for it.
If you are working the program for yourself, you are well on your way to Happiness, Joy, and Freedom. GO FOR IT!
If you are working it for anybody or anything else, wife, job, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
You do not have to like everything that happens to you or others around you. You may have a serious injury, illness, loss of a close person, any of a number of problems.
But, if you do not drink or drug, you will be able to deal with anything. For this reason, hopefully, you will remain Happy, Joyous, and Free yourself.
Because staying sober is something you now do have control over. Imagine that! If we surrender to the concepts of the AA Program, we will now have control over important portions of our lives.
Surrender to advance! Will others care more if they know all of this? Maybe, but probably not. They are too busy trying to deal with their own demons, making yours less important to them.
NO MATTER WHAT THEY MAY SAY! There are some spouses and other family members who may care more but don’t try to cash that check too soon either.
If they really do care, cash it and run with it. They don’t? Say a prayer for them and continue working your program. If you do this, YOU CAN’T GO WRONG!
So, who cares? The most important one to be concerned about caring is YOU! So just assure that YOU DO! As soon as you really care about you, you will become truly Happy, Joyous, and Free! This is a promise! Thank you, God!
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