I was always very guarded with my true feelings. Thus, I bottled up a lot of frustrations, anger, and fear. These came out in other self destructive ways. Then I took the advice of my early AA sponsors and started faking it until I made it. I discovered that thoughts and intellectual knowledge could be very fleeting while feelings could be long lasting. I had a lifetime of bad feelings. Now, I was beginning to like and look forward to the good feelings that were appearing.
Studying Spirituality opened the door to these good feelings. “I didn’t wish to kick anyone today.” “I didn’t crave a drink today.” “I am not a bad person today.” “I helped someone today.” “I learned something new today.” These thoughts made me feel good. So, being addictive, I wanted more. Much more. My thoughts of a vengeful, ogre-like God had scared me badly. Now, my thoughts of a loving, caring, understanding God comforted me. I learned to Utilize and not Analyze. Hence my life very quickly became one that I embraced.
Therefore, I don’t study the AA program with my head any more. When I was in school, I learned to study with my head. This meant cramming before exams. Of course, all was forgotten as soon as the test was over. When I learn with my heart and feelings, the lesson stays. Anymore, I do not have many of the 12 Steps of AA memorized in my head. I have the 12 Steps of AA embedded in my heart and feelings and live the program and all of its principals to the best of my ability. This brings up another thought. Whenever making a statement such as this, I would usually modify it with a disclaimer such as “Of course I am not perfect” or “Being human, I can stray.” This only brings up the negative so today I leave the disclaimers out.
My inner knowledge of Spirituality has given me the peace that I always strove for. But, I never could find it. Remember, we are Spiritual Beings. We are living in a Spiritual Universe. It is governed by Spiritual Law. And we are one with all that exists. Therefore, I know that I am one with all. This reminds me that I am never alone. The feelings of being alone were always with me.
The first two words of The Lord’s Prayer, Our Father, remind us that we are all one. With this, I am emotionally wealthy. This means that I am Happy, Joyous, and Free. You can be too. Only if you want it. But, enough to be willing to do the work. To start in this or any venture, either large or small, simply say the shortened version of the 3rd Step. “God Help Me.” Then simply move on to the next right thing.
Work your program 24/7/365. Not to perfection, but only to the best of your ability. Then you will not have to worry about what the next right thing is. This is because, if it feels right, it will be right. Please don’t try to complicate things. Don’t overthink a very simple program. If it feels right, just do it! If there is any apprehension at all, step back. Maybe reconsider. The use of your feelings God’s way of communicating with you. Maybe something is amiss. This is a simple program for very complicated folks. Keep it simple. Enjoy your life.
Did you not drink or drug today? You now have choices. You can even choose your emotions. Do you miss feeling love and affection? What do you really want? CHOOSE wisely!
More can be found on our other pages. We have an AA Zoom meeting, blogs, and a podcast, in addition to our Facebook page. They are updated regularly. We hope that you will join us on these sites and comment so that we can share with each other our experiences, strengths, and hopes. The Zoom meeting is every Monday through Friday, 3:00 PM EST. Meeting ID is 6035280704, Password 399778. To locate the blogs and Facebook pages, simply search @Spiritualityandrecovery. For the podcast, search Spotify.com for Spiritualityandrecovery. On iPhone say “Hey Siri, Play the podcast Spiritualityandrecovery”
