With no religious or spiritual background or belief upon coming into the program of AA, I didn’t think much of or about it. I truly did not have a clue about what to even believe. My prayers were limited to “God get me out of this and I will never do it again. “He would get me out of it and I would chump him or He wouldn’t and I would believe that He chumped me. My sponsors insisted that I give this, new to me, idea a chance. I didn’t know how, so they told me to “fake it until I made it.” I was very unsure but I also was hurting physically and emotionally and wanted it all to stop.
I saw the people at meetings smoking and joking about what I considered horrible things and I thought that if they had my problems they would either drink or be miserable too. They seemed to be actually happy, joyous, and genuinely free. I wanted that and I paid close attention to the second paragraph of How it Works where it says that if I wanted what they had that I should be willing to go to any lengths to get it. I was of the mind that anything was better than my life at that time so I was willing to go to any lengths to get what they were showing me. I would even try to believe.
It didn’t take long and I soon was not faking it as much and feeling much better. The strong desire for a drink left rather quickly. I was feeling much better about myself which led to thinking better of others.
I once thought about most people as a-holes and jerks. As I practiced these principals in all of my affairs, I was amazed at how these jerks seemed to turn into nicer people. My faking it until I made it attitude was leading me to a genuine like, and then love for most of them. When I surrendered to the 3rd step, which was surrendering to my Higher Power, I actually started to form a belief in this Higher Power, liking myself and this led to loving others.
Even real love was also new to me. I had thought I knew how to love before but I soon discovered that it was usually more like lust than love. The short version of the 3rd step is very simple and easy to remember – I simply say “God Help me” and life becomes a joy. The “Help me God” has turned more into “Thank you God.”
Today, I am truly Happy, Joyous, and Free and have a genuine belief. No matter where you are now, you can have it too if you only get over any inhibitions about “The God thing” and try faking it until you make it. This life is yours for the taking. If this formerly very large, very angry, very violent, well trained, and well armed guy can do it, you can too. It is never too late to start all over if you have to. My Higher Power, who I now choose to call God, has my and your six. Try it, you’ll like it!