This is an edited repeat of a post from June 16, 2021. I am not a fan of reposting items but I believe that this is something that is worth revisiting to help us become and stay sober.
I am approaching the 45th anniversary of my last drink. In Earth years, this is a long time. In the Eternity of our Spiritual Life, this is a drop in the bucket. In my life, this is over half without a drink. What got me to this point? Embracing the AA Program! This amazing program literally saved my life by showing me a new way of, not only living but, really enjoying life. Did I take to the program immediately? No, but it did not take long for me to, not only hear from other members, but actually see the changes in their lives for the better.
I was at a place in my life where I was not sure that I actually wanted for my life to continue. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed with the barrel of my .357 in my mouth and not even able to pull the trigger. I was not even sure what I did want, just that something needed to change. The life that I had just wasn’t worth living on in.
I figured, what did I have to lose by trying what the others in AA were suggesting? Nothing, that I could see other than misery and despair. I heard “Fake it ‘till you make it” a lot and decided to try it. Step 1 was a no brainer – my life had become completely unmanageable and drinking seemed to be involved in all of my misadventures. Step 2 began making sense, as soon as I understood that, although I may not be completely insane, many of the things that I had been doing were surely insane. I knew that I needed some type of help because I could not change any of this by myself. I knew that there was a Power of some kind “out there” because I had observed the change of seasons, planets and stars flying around space and not wiping us out, my regular breathing in followed by breathing out and a pulse without any of my assistance, let alone even thinking about them.
Step 3 simply asks me to try to tap into this Power and ask for help. How do I do this? When I was in the “white knuckle” stages of my early AA Program, I could not remember the Serenity Prayer, 3rd Step Prayer, or any other for that matter. Wiser heads than I strongly suggested that I use a shortened version of the 3rd Step and simply say “God help me,” and move on. So, I tried it and, tada!, it worked. Not just once or twice but most of the time, depending only on how humble I could make myself when asking for the help. I am still waiting for help from the times I asked for help demanding SHOW ME!!! or having a disbelieving attitude.
It didn’t take me long to see and finally realize that He would help me whenever I asked. All I needed was the humble feeling and real belief that I don’t believe that I had in my system before. What do we do when we ask a friend for help and get it? We thank them. I soon began thanking my Higher Power, who I now call God, for the assists, which were growing in number every day. Soon, I was thanking Him for everything that occurred in my life because I soon came to realize that He was taking care of me in ALL of my affairs.
To this day, I see people in the program going through rough times that would have broken them before and dealing with them in positive ways and coming out stronger than ever. This is not to say that every day is full of laughs and giggles, but the forks in the roads of our life are met with confidence, not trepidation.
So, now to answer the question posed in the beginning of What do I do now? I continue working my program to the best of my ability. I KNOW that, if I do, all will be well. I will sleep nights. I will remember all that I did, make difficult decisions without hesitation, continue to love all that I meet and reap the rewards of doing this by being comfortable with myself. Sobriety is like love, I can’t keep it unless I give it away. If I give love, I am loved in return. I hope and pray that you can be, not only as Happy, Joyous, and Free as I, but also have even more Happiness, Joy, and Freedom than I. If are even more, I will also have someone to learn from – you! May God Bless You all, my friends.