Step 2 states: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. “Yah, but I don’t wish death to people who disagree with me any more – serious injury maybe but not death.” So what’s the problem? The problem is that thoughts are THE most powerful ingredient of our entire makeup. When I get an insane thought about anyone or anything, it has a cost. This is a cost that I am no longer willing to pay. This is coming from someone who used to get sight pictures of people who I disagreed with. A sight picture is what one sees when looking through or over the sights of a firearm. My world was one that was filled with violence and anger and this is what I knew.
When I finally started believing Step 2 and looked at my Higher Power as something completely different than the punishing, judgmental tyrant I had thought that God was, I turned to Step 3 and said “Take me, God. I surrender!” Since I had had so many years thinking so negatively of God, this was not easy. The thing was that I was defeated and down to a depth in life that saw no other choices other than die or surrender to the Power that I was seeing transform so many others right in front of my eyes. I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any lengths to get it!
WOW! As soon as I turned it all over, I got the start of instant relief. The difference between now and before the Program of AA entered my life was BELIEF! I saw it in others and believed that, if it could work for them, why not me too? I grabbed onto the life preserver tossed by AA and have not let go ever since. I am NOT the same person that I was before starting to work the Program of AA any more than a frog is a tadpole any more or a butterfly is a caterpillar.
I do not entertain negative thoughts simply because I do not wish to return to the madness ever again. If I entertain these negatives, I WILL drink and return to the madness. Since you folks are also extensions of the Higher Power, I thank you each and every day for your guidance, love, and understanding simply by saying “Thank you God!” This is what keeps the insane thoughts away from my mental doorstep. It can and will for you, too, IF YOU LET IT!