for as long as you choose.
When I first was blessed enough to be entered into the program of AA, I hardly knew what hope was, let alone how to feel it. I had a “guess I’ll give it a try because I’ve tried everything else” attitude to no avail.
The only thing that I felt about trying all alone for so long was frustration, anger, and utter hopelessness and despair. Nothing seemed to ease the emotional pain that was as much of my everyday existence as breathing.
Churches didn’t seem to work because they appeared to be only interested in my donations to help the church, not how the church could help me.
God seemed to be a Being in human form sitting on a golden throne “up there” somewhere where He only judged and punished and condemned people like me to eternal damnation.
He took my father at the early age of 54. He gave me a marriage of almost 16 years that was more like a divorce of 16 years only waiting to happen.
He took my son away and sent him to prison for a long stretch. He transitioned my only birth son, soon after birth.
He gave me a beautiful daughter who he emotionally took from me when she listened to her mother and avoided me totally for what ended up lasting over 40 years. (She has since returned and we are closer than we ever were)
Itruly believed “Who wouldn’t drink if you had my problems?” Imagine my surprise when I discovered inside the Program of AA that this was not what God was all about at all.
I saw people in the program who I had known when they were as hard drinking, hard fighting, and hard everything as I was and were now seemingly Happy, Joyous, and Free.
I wanted what they had so badly that I would cry just thinking about what had passed me by and was too late for me to get on with it. “That train has left the station!”
I was completely ready to go to any lengths to get what they had and told them so. These formerly rough, tough, amoral, sad creatures told me to COD (Come On Down) to the Program and surrender totally to it.
They told me to “Fake it ‘till I made it” so I did. And it didn’t take very long before I didn’t seem to be faking it anymore. The goodness seemed to be coming originally from me instead of me copying others and faking it.
I was told to come to know that there was a Power that I could tap into and it would work for me just as it had for many others before me, including the people that I was talking with.
I soon noticed that I had gone for longer lengths of time without thinking of drinking. I was going for periods of time without wanting to stretch someone’s neck because of something they had said or done.
I was going for lengths of time adding positive thoughts to my mind.
It was then that I realized that I was not the total loser that I had feared I had become. When I was “white knuckling it” over something, I was told to say The Serenity Prayer or the 3rd Step Prayer.
When I told them that I had and it hadn’t worked, they suggested the shortened version of the 3rd Step, simply “God Help Me.” Then get out of His way and let Him.
I tried it and almost immediately discovered positive results. Having the addictive personality that I do, I wanted more, much more, so I started using it regularly for everything, no matter how small.
The results were increasingly better and so, to this day, that is what I do to keep this initial feeling of Happiness, Joy, and Freedom that I was beginning to feel.
Whenever I come to a fork in my road of life, I simply say “God, Help Me” and move on. Nowadays, I also add a lot of “God, Thank Yous” to my day.
Every time that I see a beautiful sight or instance I thank my Higher Power who I now call God.
Since it works for this formerly angry, violent, abusive, foul-mouthed, well-armed creature it could work for you and I firmly believe that it will if you surrender to this Higher Power and ask for help.
It says in The Promises that these things will ALWAYS materialize if we work for them. The key is working for them. How do we work for them? We simply ASK HIM HUMBLY FOR HELP. And then just do the next right thing.
It says in How It Works, “God could and would if He were sought!” The key here is we must seek and ask. It could not be any more simple, not always easy, but simple. Thank you, God!
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