are two things I didn’t have when in the madness of active alcoholism.
When I was in the madness of active alcoholism, I truly could make no choices by myself.
Why was that? Because I took the drink and then the drink took me. Once drinking that first drink, the rest of my day was ruled by alcohol. My choices were led by where and what will I be drinking now.
The great thing about choices is that they are so many in life. Even greater is that we now are able to make these choices, many of us for the very first time in our lives.
Something that I noticed when new to the AA Program was that it seemed like I suddenly had even more problems than I had when I was drinking.
People around me getting very ill, dying, and/or becoming people who I just did not want to be near anymore. Situations arose that make me glad or sad or mad that I just never really seemed to notice before.
Why is this? I get sober and the rest of the world seems to be going to hell? Now that I have had some time to observe this from the sober side of my life, I realize that the rest of the world is not changing for the worse.
The world is carrying on just as it always has and I am just looking at it with a completely different set of eyes. Eyes not clouded from the use of alcohol.
I have read from others who are knowledgeable in this field that our emotional growth stops when we start drinking as an alcoholic. This means that my emotional growth stopped when I was a teenager.
This makes perfect sense to me. One of the less endearing traits of our children, when they were teenagers, was their thought process whenever it came to themselves, either their responsibilities or their self-centeredness.
Now, I can liken myself and my drinking career to this teen, totally self-absorbed and unknowing and uncaring about others around me. What does this all mean to me and others in similar situations?
It means that I should emotionally grow up and see situations as they really are, not how they can be used to make me more comfortable and important. Maturity is not only the age of legal drinking. It is “growing up.”
It is also something that, before my introduction to AA, I didn’t have. Now, with the help and guidance of AA and you members of this fine organization, I am getting it. For this I am grateful.
Gratitude is also something that I didn’t have for much of anything before. Now I am filled with it. What does this mean? This means that I am truly Happy, Joyous, and Free. Because I CHOOSE to be!
Now I choose to say “Thank you, God,” for everything that I have, including breathing in followed by breathing out. Yes, my very life!
What about you? The choice is yours. Please choose wisely! Thank you, God!
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