But, apologizing worked before! Step 9
How many times did you say “I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again?” And then do it all over again, and again, and again?
Step 9 says “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” “OK, so this is the step where I tell everyone how sorry I am?” NOT!!!
Nowhere in this step does it say that we say “I’m sorry.” We have worn that one out when we were drinking and playing the fool. How many times did I say “I’m sorry and I will never do that again?”
Usually followed by hysterics and pleading and finally deep remorse and depression which led to a ton of other responses when the person being asked to forgive me blew it off or went into deep depression themselves.
Why would they do this? Because they knew that what was coming out of my mouth was as untrue as ever. Google says amends are defined as “compensate or make up for a wrongdoing.”
Repeating a lie such as “I’m sorry and I will never do it again” is neither compensation nor making up for anything. It is appeasement, and mostly to myself at that.
So, how do you properly work this step? I would heartily suggest that you start out with the shortened version of the 3rd Step, saying “God, Help Me,” and then look over your list.
Who is closest to me or in many cases still around me? Let’s start there. Approach these people one at a time and advised them that you know that you have hurt them badly in the past.
And that you are now working on doing the best that you can to make it all up to them. Ask what they suggested that you could do to carry this out. You would advise them that you are trying hard not to be that person anymore.
You would show them that you are trying to change your life. If you owed them money, Pay it off or at least some of it and work out a payment schedule for the rest.
Above all, don’t expect all to fall over gushing plaudits to you for your recent change. Remember how many times you lied and/or hurt them in so many other ways? If they don’t accept you after doing this, it is no longer your problem.
All you can do is the next right thing and the next right thing may be to separate yourself from them. You will have cleaned up your side of the street, which is all that you can do.
Remember the Serenity Prayer and ask for the wisdom to know the difference about what can be done. The ONLY thing that you can change is yourself. Congratulations! When completing this step, you will be well on your way to Happiness, Joy, and Freedom.
If you didn’t drink or drug today, you are able to continue or start working your program now. If you are convinced that you have worked the first 8 steps to the best of your ability, you are now able to rightfully and truthfully work your 9th Step.
If you have met the above conditions, you are READY for this step now. Don’t think your way out of it — JUST DO IT!!! You now have choices, do you choose to be miserable or do you choose to be Happy, Joyous, and Free? The choice is yours and nobody else’s. Choose wisely!
Thank you, God!
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