Making amends is much more than saying “I’m Sorry”
Step 8 says: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Oh, my gosh! My list is going to be huge! How am I going to ever make all of this right?”
Don’t be the slightest bit discouraged. Remember when we discussed the FACT that this is a very simple program for very complicated folks? Let’s see how this can be simplified. A 16-year-old boy was at an 8th Step table that I was at early in my sobriety and as soon as I got over the fact that a 16-year-old was there, I started to listen. He was not sorry anymore!
“Out of the mouths of babes” came to mind as I really listened to what he was saying. He said that he had been taught that if it bothered him, do something about it and if it didn’t bother him, forget it and move on. WOW! This leads to not being sorry anymore!
Almost instantly, my list shrunk into a manageable number. Mostly family and close associates and a few bosses. When arriving at this step and then taking the shortened version of the 3rd Step by simply saying “God help me” before working on the list. I realized that my Higher Power was really going to help me. IF I LET HIM! This is happy, not sorry!
I was no longer bowled over by the task. My complicated mind was replaced by my Higher Power guided mind and the list took shape. I was not bothered by nor did I even remember everyone that I had fought with, stolen from, talked badly to, or similar type instances. All because, at the time, we were all drunk and acting the fool.
There were times, though, that I was downright ugly, mean, and vicious and these would be added to my list, as the memory returned. Remember, in this step we are only making the list. By this time, we have started having a real conscience that was not only the one that we had before where we were always saying “I’m sorry” but one in which we really knew right from wrong.
When is it right and when is it wrong? If I have to hurt someone, either physically or emotionally, to get or do something, it is wrong. Freedom does not mean that I can rightfully push you out of my way when I want something. Freedom is being able to choose to step aside if it is the right thing to do. Not plow headfirst or mouth first into situations.
I was slowly but surely evolving into a person who, when I was doing right, I felt good and if wrong, felt at least apprehensive. “If it feels good, do it” took on a whole new meaning.
By this time, I am feeling even better about myself because I am taking positive actions to remedy what were bad and/or horrible situations. Remember to work this step just like we have discussed working the other steps. Start with “God Help me” and then JUST DO IT! There is now much less to be sorry for!
Simple! Not easy, at first, but very simple. The more that I work my program, not only at meetings but also the rest of my time, 24/7/365, the easier it gets.
If we work our program to the best of our abilities all day each and every day, life will only continue to get better. This is a promise! Did we say work it perfectly? NO! Just to the best of our abilities.
Just remember to start out every venture with “God Help Me” and reap the rewards! Also remember that, if you did not drink or drug today, you have a choice in every situation. “But, what do I do now?” Just say “God Help Me” and then JUST DO IT! The choice is yours. What do you choose? Thank you, God!
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