I can not tell anyone how to work their program. All that I can do is tell you how I work mine and then it is up to you to take what you want from that and get rid of the rest. I am truly Happy, Joyous, and Free, and hope and pray that you all will also be if you are not now. I have not always been so. When I was drinking and somewhat after coming into the program, I was a very large, very angry, very violent, well-armed, well-trained being. I held no hope that things would ever be different because that was all that I knew at the time. I didn’t agree with you so I answered it with anger. I didn’t trust you so I answered it with anger. I didn’t like you so I answered it with anger. I didn’t know if I agreed with you or not so I responded with anger. On and on and on, like in a squirrel cage. I didn’t like me so I hated you. I hated you so I hurt you. I hurt you and felt guilty. I felt guilty and got remorse. I got remorse and continued drinking and hurt you again and on and on and on. This made me one who was afraid of what was going to happen next and saw no way out.
I didn’t know that it was being fed by my alcoholism. I didn’t know that I was an alcoholic until I came into AA. When I first came into the program it was for all the wrong reasons. Where I was introduced to the AA program, How it Works was read before almost every meeting and I quickly really caught onto the 2nd paragraph where it said “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it” then COD, Come On Down. I had heard about this being a spiritual program and, not being religious, was ready to listen to more.
I saw what I wanted in your faces and actions at meetings and wanted it so bad I could taste it. I truly was willing to go to any lengths to get the peace and serenity that I saw in you folks. I was advised to Fake it ‘till I made it so I acted “as if” and saw immediate relief, even if it was only a little at first. I kept on “faking it” and things just continued to get better. I soon liked the feeling that I was having and stopped faking it and now believed it.
I dug deep into Spirituality because my sponsors had told and showed me that the program’s base was Spirituality. I soon got a copy of the 24 Hour book. I got all of the information that I could get from Emmet Fox, who I had been told had been the Spiritual Advisor for Bill W. and many of the earliest members of the program. I read his Sermon on the Mount cover to cover quickly and often initially because I had been told that it was used by many of the original members as the first Big Book.
Guess What? I was losing my anger and frustration and actually willingly working on being a better person to everyone. The rewards were almost immediate. I was becoming Happy, Joyous, and Free. I was staying H, J, and F as long as I worked my program. The bottom line is, when I work my program, I truly know Serenity. Without the program in my life, I was morally, spiritually, and physically bankrupt. Now I am a spiritually wealthy man. The beautiful thing is that you, no matter what your present circumstances, can be too. How? Just work your program to the best of your ability. Very simple, just not always easy for some of us hardheaded alcoholics. Just Do It and come back and tell me all about it! If it didn’t work, we’ll discuss it further. When it does work, we will shout it from the rooftops! Now, go make it a great day!